Tuesday, February 28, 2006

The helicopters, however, did.

Blonde #1 (after seeing King Kong): You know how Jack Black said beauty killed the beast?
Blonde #2: Yeah...
Blonde #1: Well, like, she totally didn't mean to!

-- SilverCity, overheard by Leila

Kind of like Christianity!

Girl: Adam and Eve weren't real, they were just something that Jesus Christ came up with.

-- overheard by Cole

"How about I don't buy the hot dog, punch you for free, and we'll call it even?"

Drunk Guy: Dude, buy me a hot dog and I'll let you punch me in the face.

-- outside Jim Bob's, overheard by Katie

Is that with one hump or two humps?

Girl: I'm like a sex camel, it's only been like 3 times in the last 4 months!

-- UCC, overheard by Erin

Monday, February 27, 2006

"Well, I was planning on getting off ... does she want to come?"

Guy (to girl getting off cell phone): What did she want?
Girl: She wanted to know when we were getting off. I mean, what we were doing tonight.

-- 6 Richmond, overheard by Christine

"But they both have wicked laser eyes!"

Girl #1: But Jesus is righteous! Who could fight him?
Girl #2: Optimus Prime?

-- Classroom

Somehow, we don't think it would be so hard to fake.

Girl #1: I heard if you have ADD you get time and a half on exams.
Girl #2: (jumping up) What? Oh my God! I soooo want ADD!!!

-- Elgin Hall, overheard by Paul

Modern Romance

Girl #1: I think he likes me, but not in the good way where he wants to watch me sleep at night.
Girl #2: No, he wants to watch you do something else.
Girl #3: Yeah, then he'll say, "Go away, I don't want to watch you sleep."
Girl #1: But he is cute though.

-- UCC Gym, overheard by Brandon

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Houston, we have a problem.

Girl: He's from the Bahamas, so he's leaving for Nassau tomorrow.
Guy: You mean the space station?

-- UC Hill, overheard by Andria

Hey, if it's a deductive reasoning course she might be okay...

Girl: I'm scared I might fail. The exam is 50% lectures, and 50% from the textbook. I don't have the textbook and I've never been to class.

-- Ann Street, overheard by Andria

Friday, February 24, 2006

Hey, it's $0.99 for extra hair.

Guy (reading the list of ingredients on his pizza box): There's always so much hair in these. It's like hair is one of the ingredients.

-- Nat Sci, overheard by Erin

"My grandpa was a fax machine."

Guy: I have a waffle iron, too. I call it Grandma.

-- Social Sci, overheard by Erin

"Really? I like kayaks."

Guy #1: So is the bridge the only way to get across the [Thames] river?
Guy #2: Um ... yeah, that's usually what I take.

-- UC Hill, overheard by Erin

Don't worry, she'll learn to tell time soon.

Girl #1: Is it dark in here?
Girl #2: Yes.
Girl #1: No, seriously ... is it dark?
Girl #2: LOOK AROUND! Oh, hey, are you graduating this year?
Girl #1: If I graduate, yeah.

-- The Wave, overheard by Rahim

"It's way less embarrassing than my other fungi!"

Girl ordering at Pita Pit: Can I just have four mushrooms? It's my new fungus!

-- overheard by Will

But class is such a nice place to sleep it off!

Girl: I'm skipping class because I'm still drunk!

-- Westview St., overheard by Nikki

Western: Where the men are classier than the ladies

Girl on cell phone: It was so embarrassing ... I pretty much was taking my clothes off in the cab. He was like, "I can't do this, you're too drunk," and I was like, "No, I'm not!" Yeah, I totally fell out of the cab too...

-- Bus Stop, overheard by Nikki

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Yeah, "The University of Airhead Slutty Skanks" just doesn't have a nice acronym.

Typical Western girl being interviewed by Rogers TV: I, like, so love living in London, because there are, like, so many bars that you can go and party at and it’s, like, so cheap!
Girl #1: Those are the kind of girls that give Western a bad name!
Girl #2: I was just going to say that!

-- overheard by Ashley

In Soviet Russia, medals win YOU.

Guy: Some countries in the Olympics haven't gotten a single medal yet, especially those little unknown countries, like Moscow.

-- overheard by Debra

The doctors of the future...

Girl: Is that you?
Guy: Haha. It's a portrait that my friend drew for me. Apparently I'm wearing a pink dress.
Girl: Haha, cute.
Guy: And I have spinach in my teeth.
Girl: Aww. Ah, I taste blood! I think my tongue is bleeding from too much candy!

-- Medical Sciences Building, overheard by Dr. Dre

Mouthy Bus Drivers, Vol. 3

Guy: Does this bus go in the other direction after 7 p.m.?
Bus driver: Yes, the bus still runs in the other direction and airplanes still fly.

-- 13 Wellington, overheard by Liz

"No, they still have to go into extra innings."

Two girls are standing in line at the Spoke, watching the handshakes at the end of the Canada-Finland men's hockey match on the big screen.

First girl: So, is that the end of the game, or just the end of the third quarter?

-- overheard by Pratik

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

And now, the best reason to become a university professor:

Prof: In the last few years, we've learned more about speciation involving fossils through new and exciting technology. In fact, just a few years ago, on an island just off of Costa Rica, some scientists extracted dinosaur DNA from mosquitoes, and mingled it with frogs' DNA, and actually cloned dinosaurs. Unfortunately, the dinosaurs escaped and killed several people on the island. What was that documentary called?...
Frantic note-taking girl #1: Oh my god, why wasn't this on the news?
Prof: Oh yes, Jurassic Park, that's what it was...
Frantic note-taking girl #2: Hey, I've heard of that ... they must have made a movie about it.

-- Bio 023 lecture, overheard by Bonnie

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Ah, the joy of watching figure skating ...

Girl #1: (referring to skater's music) Why are there birds?
Girl #2: Because there are feathers on her skirt.

Sure, his interest is purely out of curiosity ... sure.

Economics Prof: No, I didn't look at any of the nude curling calendar girl pictures. But I have to admit, I looked at the Saugeen Stripper pictures just to see if any of you were in them. Actually, one of you was in them ... but anyways, back to Economics...

-- Lecture, overheard by Lizzie and Bina

Just lying down?

Girl #1: Yeah, he is kinda short...
Girl #2: Well, it's all the same lying down.

-- Social Sci Parking Lot, overheard by Bina and Lizzie

Yeah ... one's real common at Western, one's real common with pirates.

Girl #1: Would you like some carrot sticks? I've got lots.
Girl #2: No, thanks. I don't like vegetables.
Girl #3: You should eat more vegetables, 'cause if you don't you could get syphilis -- wait, that's not it -- scurvy!

-- Delaware dining all, overheard by David

Hey, can't be any more blasphemous than Bambi II.

Guest speaker, after talking about conserving wildlife: So yeah, I think I'm going to kill Bambi and nail him to my wall.

-- Wildlife Ecology and Management, overheard by Melodie

Please, please don't let this person know the answer.

Girl: What kind of underwear does your dad wear?

-- Nat Sci, overheard by Andrea

Historical sensitivity at Western...

Guy #1: Man, if I had been in World War II I would've probably been in the Dutch resistance or something, underground operations against the Nazis would've been sweet.
Guy #2: Fuck that, man, I would've spent all my time finding a sweet hiding spot.
Guy #3: Yeah, dude, me too, just like Anne Frank.

-- St. George St., overheard by Graham

"But I can get off on the floor! Oh, I slay me."

Prof: Listen guys, if masturbation was physically bad for you, I wouldn't be able to get off the floor right now.

-- Psych 153, overheard by Graham

Monday, February 20, 2006

"But they don't count if I'm drunk!"

Girl #1: Hey, so how many guys have you slept with since you broke up with your ex?
Girl #2: Do you really want to know?
Girl #1: Yeah...
Girl #2: You sure you want to know? I mean, I don't want you to think I'm a slut or anything.
Girl #1: Just tell me, I won't think you're a slut! How many?
Girl #2: Um ... I lost count...
Girl #1: Never mind, you are a slut!

-- GT's, overheard by Natalie

Hey, if it worked in Jurassic Park...

Guy: That has to be the most complicated plan I've ever heard of to get free wine.
Girl: What? Cloning Jesus?

-- Barney's

Overheard on the Road: Dalhousie

Guy: You gotta slay a few dragons before you get the princess, and sometimes, the dragon gets pregnant.

-- Bus, overheard by Kathleen

P.S. She agreed.

Guy: Hey, can we see your boobs? Not for sexual reasons ... but just to see like ... how they hang.

-- Saugeen, overheard by Graham

Nah, they're like rocks.

Bio student: Do fish feel?

-- Bio 285, overheard by Ashley

"Particularly inflicting pain on them!"

Typical Western Girl: I, like, want to become a dentist because I, like, like kids!

-- 6 Richmond, overheard by Andrea

Nah, just hand in an old English paper. They'll be none the wiser.

A music history professor is talking about choosing a topic for an essay.

Guy in back row: Um, does it have to be about music?

-- Music 031G

Ah, science.

Girl: Drinking cow's milk is so unnatural for humans to do. That's why people are lactose intolerant.
Guy: It's clearly not THAT bad, or not as many people would be drinking it.
Girl: It totally is, it'd be like ... cows drinking turtle milk.

-- Weldon, overheard by Graeme

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Especially if you write as eloquently as you speak!

Girl #1: I can't believe I got such a bad mark on my English essay. I mean, the prof, like, totally hates me because I sit at the back with my friend and we talk the whole class and never pay attention or anything, but just because she hates me doesn't mean she should, like, give me a bad mark.
Girl #2: That's, like, so not fair!

-- 2 Dundas, overheard by Graeme

That's true of campus in all weather.

Two girls walk out of Weldon with no jackets on.

Girl #1: Shit, it's freezing! I'm gonna get chlamydia if I stay out here too long!

-- Weldon, overheard by Laura

Thursday, February 16, 2006

"You ever hear of the Drunken Asshole?"

Guy #1: ...And there's the Rusty Trombone, the Cleveland Steamer, the Hot Carl ... and that's about all I can think of.
All the guys laugh.
Drunk guy: Hey, you guys ever hear of the Wooden Indian?
Other guys: No.
Drunk guy: It's when you fuck a girl with a wooden Indian, and then throw her in front of a bus.

-- 2 Dundas, overheard by Graham

Hey, you need the time to cram in the hallways ... oh, wait. It's MIT. Just write about how the Man sucks.

Prof: Don't show up on time or late to the midterm next week. Show up early.

-- MIT 202, overheard by Peter

There's a difference?

Guy: Was that a hearse?
Girl: A what?
Guy: A hearse ... was that a hearse?
Girl: Where?
Guy: Back there.
Girl: No, that's definitely a minivan.

-- Palasad, overheard by Steph

It's not the thought that counts...

Guy: I can't wait to give you your gift.
Girl: I know, same with yours! Hey, did you pick out my gift by yourself, or did somebody help you?
Guy: Oh, by myself.
Girl: Oh, then it's probably not good. Seriously, remember when we went shopping that time? That shirt you picked up for me to look at? You just have bad taste.

- 13 Wellington, overheard by Jenn

There, there. Here's a Playboy from the 70s.

Prof: ...And girls wear their pants so damn low these days. I mean, they might as well just get it over with and design jeans with a hole in the crotch. What happened to pubic hair anyways? No one has any anymore...

-- MIT 025 lecture, overheard by Debra

"You're adopted!"

Little boy to father: If you can't handle three kids, then don't have three kids.

- Campus Rec locker room, overheard by Greg

People don't have giant knockers.

Guy: They're not people, Jon, they're strippers!

-- overheard by Tim

More of the Top 10 Worst Pick-Up Lines ... or is this one of the best?

Girl: Is everything okay down there?
Guy (caught in the act of adjusting his package): Why? Do you want to give me a hummer?

-- overheard by Chris

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

And now, a new entry for the Top 10 Worst Pick-Up Lines Ever

Med Student: I just need to see a normal breast!

-- Learning Resource Center, overheard by Danielle

The game might have been an inappropriate place for that, but a penalty?

Public Announcer: Called for holding, number 2, Mike Self. Self holding
gets two minutes...

-- Western/Lakehead hockey game, JLC, overheard by Adam

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Wait until you see the bolding and the underlining!

As Belgium marches into the Olympic opening ceremonies...

Girl: Ooh! "Il Belgio"! I love how everything is so italicized.

-- overheard by Andrew

Hey, there are also tax benefits.

Girl: Don't marry me or all you'll get is crappy dishes!

-- Music Building, overheard by Heather

And don't forget that infamous orgy scene.

English Professor: There is an alarming amount of sex in the Bible. People are begetting and begatting at a ridiculous rate, and Song of Solomon is pretty hot!

-- English 203, overheard by Jen

Boy Scout Motto for the Drunk

Guy: Hey, I'm probably gonna be really drunk tonight ... odds are I won't make class tomorrow. Here, I need you to hand this in for me!

-- Saugeen Maitland Hall, overheard by Jay

Monday, February 13, 2006

Apparently scissors are like some weird and foreign concept...

Girl #1: Oh my God, I have to stop spending money. I'm in so much debt.
Girl #2: You should do what I do. Put your credit cards in a bowl of water and freeze it. That way when you want to shop you have to wait like 6 hours for it to thaw out! Or you would have to stand over a sink and run hot water over it for a while.
Girl #1: Wow, that is like, genius!

-- Quotes Cafe, overheard by Kasia

Memoirs of an Idiot

Guy #1: So, you're into geishas now?
Guy #2: Yeah, I'm going to see how much one costs.

-- Delaware Bus Stop, overheard by Heather

"Next you'll be saying you have bird flu!"

Asian guy: How's your cough?
White guy: I think I have SARS.
Asian guy: But you're not even Asian!

-- Social Science Computer Lab, overheard by Heather

And if you can't hack that, become a professor.

Prof: It doesn't take a genius to figure this stuff out. In fact, I suggest becoming an economist for those of you who aren't very smart.

-- Economics 221, overheard by Michelle

Maybe you need newer, richer friends!

Oversized-sunglasses girl on cell: Can't you extend your stay and I'll meet up with you? (pause) ... None of my friends have money to go away, Mom! It's so annoying!

-- 6 Richmond, overheard by Rachel

Music: Not just for the talented!

Loud Ugg Cellphone Girl: So I was talking to these guys on the bus, and apparently I have a quiz in Jazz today, and I havn't even been to class. I don't even know what jazz music is.

-- outside Stevenson-Lawson, overheard by Cyrus

Saturday, February 11, 2006

The ghost of Rushton rears his head once more ... whooooo ...

Prof: Two Wongs do not make a white.

-- overheard by Scott

The New Confucius

Girl #1: Wait, what was your saying again?
Girl #2: What, "Time is never wasted unless you're wasted all the time"?
Girl #1: Yeah!
Girl #2: Why, what did you have?
Girl #1: "Western girls rock!"

-- UCC, overheard by Nikki

Credit cards: making dumbasses realize that they're not magic fun creators for decades.

Girl: I really need to get a job. You know that point where you, like, get all these bills and you have no idea where they're all coming from?

-- Valu-Mart, overheard by Liz

For some people, it doesn't matter what they say, so long as there is volume coming from their mouths:

Girl: I haven't been able to get hold of her. I want to go out for lunch.
Guy: Text her.
Girl: She doesn't text, she only calls.
Guy: I want salad.
Girl: Soup?
Guy: No, SALAD.
Girl: Oh, salad, she still hasn't called yet.
Guy: I want salad.

-- Weldon Library, overheard by Alex

Better than a small bulge...

Prof: You can keep poker chips in your pockets and transfer them from one pocket to the other any time you do a given action. It's simple and effective ... well, unless you're at the beach in your speedo. I don't think I would want a large bulge in one of them...

-- Psych 152

They just have really tiny pelvises.

Girl: You know that midgets have the same size torso as everyone else?
Guy: I thought it was arms and legs?
Girl: Yeah, I think those too.

-- Med-Syd, overheard by Frank

The Dalai Lama is like, so vain.

Girl on Cell Phone: She's like a makeup artist person - she has
connections. She went to lunch with the Dalai Lama's brother!

-- Bus

Hey, you don't sit in a drawer until you get eaten.

Girl #1: You know, on a typical winter day, your fridge is warmer than outside?
Girl #2: I never thought about it like that.
Girl #1: Yeah, I mean, my veggies have a better life than me!
Girl #3: I dunno, I’d like to think that I lead a better life than my vegetables.

-- overheard by Sandy

Friday, February 10, 2006

But where will you put your conscience? Or your sense of civic duty?

Small guy: (Trying on huge lab coat) This lab coat is big enough for me and my ego!

-- Overheard by Mary

Subtlety: It's not just for Mack trucks anymore.

Girl: (Drunk and obviously trying to pick up a guy) So what's your star sign?
Guy #1: (Not at all interested) Cunnilingus.
Girl: Hmmm... I don't think I've heard of that one. (Turns to his friend) What's yours?
Guy #2: (Equally disinterested) Necrophilia.
Girl: Huh... and I thought I knew them all... I'm a Virgin.
Guy#1: Don't you mean Virgo?
Girl: No.

-- Outside of Jack's, overheard by Matt

There's a word for this kind of conversationalist: scintillating.

Girl: Oh my God, I saw you from behind and I saw your shoes and I was like, oh my God, did you buy those shoes at the same place I did?

-- Somerville House, overheard by Mark

"Nobody's getting stuffed with meat tonight except me!"

Two girls walk in front of Jim Bob's, eating hot dogs. They start talking to the bouncers. Two guys walk by and look at them.

Guy #1: Mmmm... I'm hungry... I could go for some street meat...
Girl: Fuck you, asshole.
Guy #2: He was talking about the hot dogs, stupid.
Girl: I'm not stupid... fuck you, asshole!

-- In front of Jim Bob's, overheard by Sam

It's the gift he'll keep on giving!

Girl #1: Hey, you remember my old boyfriend, right? He called me last night. Guess what he's got?
Girl #2: What, VD?
Girl #1: Yup.
Girl #2: Ewww, I was kidding!

-- Brescia Lounge, overheard by Lauren

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

And the Totally Out of Context award goes to...

Girl at party: I almost set a seven-year-old on fire once.

-- Party in Toronto, overheard by Erin

Rudeness? Rudeness is definitely free...

Christian Girl: Excuse me, are you planning on going to our talk tonight?
Girl #1: What is it on?
Christian Girl: (Starts to hand her a card) It's called, Is anything free?
Girl #2: (Loudly) It's one of those Jesus people! Walk Away!
Girl #1: Uhhhh....

The two girls walk away; Christian Girl looks hurt/confused.

-- UC Hill, overheard by Nadine

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Furry? Made of sheepskin? Totally inappropriate with a short skirt?

A group of scantily clad girls wearing Uggs runs into the Jack's line.

Guy in line : Nice Uggs! They match your face!

-- Richmond St., overheard by Gia

Now how will they cure cancer?!

Girl: (Looking into her microscope) I can't see anything. Can you?
Lab partner: Nope.
Girl: (To TA) We can't see anything in our telescope.

-- Bio 022 Lab, overheard by Gia

Sharing is caring!

Girl #1: Do you mind if I make out with [Tom] tonight?
Girl #2: Yeah, of course... I had him last week.

-- Sammy Souvlaki, overheard by Alex

Monday, February 06, 2006

Hey, it's not like it was a compsci class.

Professor to class: Statistically speaking, you're not cool.

-- Soc 172, overheard by Dan

Bus Driver Zingers, Vol. 2

Girl #1: (to bus driver) Do you go to the University?
Driver: What do you think? I drive a bus for a living.

-- Bus stop, overheard by Laura

Even if it's a space suit?

Girl #1: Hey, are you wearing a suit for the job fair today?
Guy: Ugh, no. Are you kidding me? I am too good for that shit.
Girl #2: Why, where are you working this summer?
Guy: I don't know.

-- overheard by Kathyrn

Reading: It's just not necessary anymore.

Girl: Excuse me, could you tell me where Aluminated Hall is?
Guy: Uh, do you mean Alumni Hall?
Girl: Uh, yeah, probably...
Guy: It's right over there, where that sign says "Alumni Hall"...

-- Bus Stop, overheard by Adam

Suckers for Drunken Punishment

Ugg Girl #1: Last night was awful. I got beat up in the coat check line at 29 Park!
Ugg Girl #2: I know! All these guys were hitting on me and someone spilled beer on my jacket. The club scene in London is horrible.
Ugg Girl #1: So ... are we going out tonight?
Ugg Girl #2: Yeah, of course.

-- overheard by Jen

Sunday, February 05, 2006

They're playin' the Elephant Song again...

Girl #1: I heard about a case where a radio station had made an offer that the winner of a contest could either win $1 million or an elephant. The offering of the elephant was obviously a joke, but the winner wanted the elephant and took them to court to get that elephant.
(The class laughs.)
Girl #2: (loudly) That was on the Simpsons!

-- MIT Media Law class, overheard by Daniel

Mmm ... delicious pulpy personal ads.

Girl #1: I LOVE eating the classifieds!
Girl #2: (disgustedly) That's so unsafe.

-- 2 Dundas, overheard by Christina

"Wait, I do recognize you! You're the vain skank!"

Blonde Western Girl on Cell Phone: Um, excuse me, don't you know who I am? I don't pay cover anywhere.
Bouncer: Nope, no idea. Cover is six dollars.
Blonde: (into phone) Hold on a second. (back to bouncer) I don't think you understand.
Bouncer: Oh no, I do. Six dollars.
Blonde: Ugh, I can't believe this. I don't pay ever. (pause) Here.
Bouncer: Have a good night.

-- 29 Park, overheard by Jason

Overheard on the Road: York University

TA: Has anyone studied any other existential works?
Female student: Well, I have read excerpts from Nietzsche and I did a paper once on the Myth of Syphilis...
TA: Oh, you must mean the myth of Sisyphus ... 'cause I'm pretty sure the other one is not a myth.

-- overheard by Paula

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Hey, if she'll go to those lengths for science, does it really matter how talkative she is?

Girl: She's shy? No way.
Boy: Well, maybe not when her pants are around her ankles in the biology building... But, yeah, she's shy.

-- Richmond 6

Don't panic. Maybe she was studying existentialism...

Girl #1: How do you spell cynicism?
Girl #2: Is that even a word?

-- First-year Philosophy lecture, overheard by Zachary

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Define "okay"...

Guy: I hate to ask this, but is it okay to marry your child? You know, for tax purposes...

-- In an Ivey tax class, overheard by Elana

Had breakfast? Check. Caught my bus? Check. Reinforced an archaic stereotype about women and sports? Check.

Girl #1: So my boyfriend is having a Superbowl party and he wants me to come...
Girl #2: Are you going?
Girl #1: I don't know... like, it'll be all his buddies drinking beer and eating nachos and yelling at the TV, so I kind of think it might be lame.
Girl #2: Yeah I agree. And you don't really like his friends, do you?
Girl #1: Not really, they're assholes.
Girl #2: Then it's decided - you shouldn't go!
Girl #1: But what if he gets mad?
Girl #2: Whatever, come to Ceeps with me... besides, you don't even watch hockey!

-- Brescia/King's College bus, overheard by Lauren

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Hey, there was no restriction on fellatio.

Girl: I have to meet his family. He told me I can't say "cunt" or "cunnilingus" ... I mean, what the hell am I gonna talk about?

-- outside Weldon, overheard by Sarah

"...Because of all the high-pitched, childish singing that's sure to go on."

Girl: I want to get married at Disney World.
Guy: Me too, I want to get married on the “It’s a Small World" ride.
Girl: Why?
Guy: That way my wife won’t be disappointed on our wedding night.

-- overheard by Brandon

Eh, it's going to end up costing him too much anyway.

Guy at Manchu Wok: Yeah, um, can I have some more of that please...? Yeah and some more of those...
Confused Manchu Wok Lady: But we have designated portions...
Guy: Oh ... well ... just some more of that then. Yeah, just pile 'em on there...

-- UCC, overheard multiple times by Steph and Allison

Why not just buy expensive hookers?

Guy #1: I'm gonna start asking a different girl out every week.
Guy #2: Whoa man, that'll get really expensive.
Guy #1: That's the fun part, getting to spend all the money.
Guy #3: Man, I can barely afford condoms, let alone date a new girl every week.

-- UCC Centre Spot, overheard by Jenne