Tuesday, February 27, 2007

We hope that this is some kind of innuendo.

Guy: I'm bored in class. I think I'm gonna shoot some kitties.

-- overheard by Christina

"No, I meant the prime rib, idiot."

Girlfriend: Can you make that dish of yours I really like? You know, the one with the chicken and the alfredo sauce?
Boyfriend: Oh, you mean my chicken alfredo? Yeah, I guess I can make that.

-- Great Canadian Superstore, overheard by Chad

Please say nowhere, please say nowhere.

Three girls leave the library.

Girl #1: Guys, where are we are going now?
(they all look at each other)
Girl #2: Let's go ... somewhere.

-- Weldon, overheard by Vanessa

Monday, February 26, 2007

Jesus really loves her.

Devout girl: Oh my God I know! I never wear bras on Sundays!

-- Weldon, overheard by Katrina

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Nothing says wooing like spreadable cheese.

Girl #1: You? You're gonna love me.
Girl #2: I already do!
Girl #1: Good. Cream cheese?

-- Oscar party

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Dementors' Night Out

Girl #1: (after watching a guy unsuccessfully try to pick up her friend) So, was that your future husband?
Girl #2: He just gave me this feeling... it was like I'd never be warm again.

-- London Tap House

Friday, February 23, 2007

Think of it as the new trimming.

Guy #1: WHAT?! I had no idea you could moisturize your nipples.
Girl: Of course you can moisturize your nipples. You're SUPPOSED to moisturize your nipples.
Guy #2: I've never moisturized my nipples.

-- overheard by John

Practicing for Brit's next visit, perhaps?

Guy: So she said "I'm a hairdresser - you've got a really nice haircut" and I'm like "I have a fucking shaved head!"

-- In front of Delaware Hall, overheard by Dan

And this one time, at Jesus Camp...

On Ash Wednesday:

Girl #1: Aren't you getting anything to eat?
Girl #2: Nah, not yet. I can't eat between meals today, so I'm trying to hold out until I'm really starving.
Girl #1: Oh right, Lent. Have you figured out what you're giving up this year?
Girl #2: Actually, I'm thinking of giving up all junk food, but that might be too broad... maybe if I just gave up... say... chips, chocolate, candy? I don't know, though, that's still going to be really hard.
Girl #1: Well, I'll still love you if you eat chips, chocolate, and candy.
Girl #2: Really? Aw, thanks, SATAN.

-- Somerville

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

You? Failing? That sounds unpossible.

Guy: Man, if failing was the new pass, I'd be doing so good.

-- Saugeen, overheard by Lauren

Recovery is for quitters.

Girl #1: Oh my God, you should see this guy I met at a party. (shows a picture on her computer)
Girl #2: Yeah, he’s pretty good-looking.
Girl #1: I know, he’s so hot. Like, in an “I’m mysterious and a recovering drug addict” sort of way.

-- UCC, overheard by Laura

Tell that to Cheech and Chong.

Guy: Yeah, that whole pot-smoking thing? I totally started it!

-- On the road to Guelph, overheard by Kate and Matt

Friday, February 16, 2007

Of course, a layover at the clitoris is never a bad idea.

Girl #1: I love Valentine's Day!
Girl #2: Aren't you single?
Girl #1: Whatever - it's one of the easiest nights of the year to pick up! I'm going to Taphouse! And I'm getting laid!
Girl #2: Too bad they don't make valentine cards that say "The way to MY heart... is up my fallopian tubes."

-- The Spoke

Well, as long as she can pick out the verb in "Can I buy you a drink?"

Guy: (trying to pick up hot girl) Hi, my name is [Sean]. What's your major?
Hot Girl: Essex.
Guy: Um... I think that's a residence.
Hot Girl: Yeah, I know - I live there. (rolls eyes)
Guy: Well then, tell me what courses you take.
Hot Girl: Um, well... I take English... but lots of the time I find it hard to, like, understand.

-- The Bar King Frog, overheard by Joe

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Whatever. They all look the same.

Guy: I don't know, there is something about him. Maybe he's gay.
Girl: He's not gay, he's just Jewish.

-- London Tap House, overheard by Jay

Overheard on the Road: McMaster University

Girl #1: So I was talking to my professor and he's going to be in the States this summer and wants me to do an internship with him! He's going to be in South Carolina working at the University of Missouri.
Girl #2: Missouri isn't even near South Carolina...
Girl #1: Did I say Missouri? I meant he's going to be doing work with Berkeley.
Girl #2: Berkeley's in California. If you're going to lie, check your geography first.

-- overheard by Stephanie

Hey, they have all four food groups!

Girl: Hey, I just checked the scale, and I lost 2 pounds this week! (to self) You hear that, body? You're going to eat nachos and you're going to like it!

-- Galleria Goodlife

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

UWO Presents: A Lesson in Tea-Bagging

Girl #1: I love this tea!
Girl #2: Me too!
Girl #3: How do you make tea?
Girl #1: (incredulously) Boil water, add tea bag.

-- Loblaws, overheard by Melanie

Rejected Valentine's Day Greeting Card Slogans:

Girl: (to guy) I'll be Jesus; you be the Romans. Nail me.

-- Stairwell of Talbot College, overheard by Amy

"But I'm pretty good with my bo staff."

Two law students are looking at the poster for a talent show.

Law Student #1: That's not really my thing.
Law Student #2: You don't have any talents?
Law Student #1: I totally don't have any talents. Do you?
Law Student #2: No. Well... not anything I can do in public...

-- Law School, overheard by Jan

Friday, February 09, 2007

And speaking of being dense...

Guy#1: When it's cloudy all the warm air stays down here, but when it's sunny all the warm air goes towards the sun because it's happy up there!
Guy #2: ...

-- overheard by Jerry

So... you wanted to commiserate with other people who never get laid?

Guy: ...and she asked why I am going to Waterloo, so I told her it's because I can't get enough sex in London.

-- 2 Dundas, overheard by Katy

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Coming soon to a theatre near you: Betty Rizzo Does Ivey.

Guy: So, what's your business plan?
Girl: Pink. We're all girls, and we all wear pink.

-- 33 Proudfoot, overheard by Zac

Forget interview prep, ladies - you're all set.

Two girls in Science are discussing their futures.

Girl #1: I really want to get into med school.
Girl #2: Oh yeah? Me too. Why do you want to go to med school?
Girl #1: Because I LOVE Grey's Anatomy!
Girl #2: Oh my God, me too!

-- overheard by Emily

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Tip: Just avoid the Bengal tigers.

Guy #1: I like cougars.
Guy #2: Yeah, they're so hot. I love older women.
Guy #3: How old is a cougar anyway?
Guy #1: Hmm ... I would say 40 and up.
Guy #2: Really? I would have said between 30 and 40. So what would you call them then?
Guy #1: Jaguars. Is that smaller than a cougar?
Guy #3: I think so.
Guy #2: So what about women under 30?
Guy #1: Crap, I should write this down! *takes out a piece of paper and pen and continues to draw a series of charts outlining the various stages*
Guy #1: Wow, I'm going to have to take this one home.
Guy #2: What about younger women ... like 18?
(long pause)
Guy #1: I've got it: HELLO KITTY!

-- UCC, overheard by Stefanie

Hey, maybe he's just really, really good.

Girl #1: You know that guy they all thought was good in bed?
Girl #2: Yeah?
Girl #1: He came out to me.

-- SSC, overheard by Jen

Pssh, that's not kosher.

Girl on cellphone: Kielbasa? For the longest time I thought that was a Jewish holday!

-- overheard by Sam

Nonsense, next they'll be saying you're not supposed to lick the floor.

Girl: I really have to go pee. Is there a bathroom around here?
Guy: Yes, but you're not going to want to use it.
Girl: (pause) Oh yeah! Ew!

-- STD Clinic, overheard by Sam