Tuesday, August 29, 2006

And speaking of low-hanging fruit...

The class is having a discussion about people downplaying their wealth, status, etc. to gain acceptance from certain social groups.

Girl: It's like how sometimes college girls act like they're dumb, and say stupid things, and dress in a certain way to attract guys.
Prof: Sounds like my entire class at Main.

-- King's University College, overheard by Taylor

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Or give your joystick a rest and click a mouse for a while.

Guy #1: (playing video games) I've gotten to a point where I just can't beat it anymore.
Guy #2: Maybe you should get some cream for that.

-- overheard by Ryan

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Slutty non sequiturs are the best non sequiturs.

Girl #1: So you don't even really like him? Why did you even hook up with him?
Girl #2: Why did Sir Edmund Hillary climb Mount Everest?
Girl #1: Huh? Why?
Girl #2: Because it was there.

-- overheard by Erica

Monday, August 21, 2006

Well, action is his reward...

Guy: (singing) Spiderman, Spiderman. Picks up chicks because he can...

-- Outside Call the Office, overheard by Peter

Could be the chlamydia.

The professor is explaining how semen is chock-full of sugars (glucose, etc.).

Girl: (raises hand) If it's so full of sugars, why doesn't it taste sweet?

She promptly runs from the room.

-- UWO Sex Psychology class, overheard by Helen

Scary: Ingesting a toxic household chemical. Terrifying: Observing no change in your mental functioning.

Guy #1: Hey, It was diluted!
Guy #2: It doesn't change the fact that you drank bleach.

-- UCC Tim Horton's, overheard by Will

Friday, August 18, 2006

Sex Ed: Undermined by American news media since the early 50s.

Guest Speaker: Who knows where HIV comes from?
Girl: Um, like, monkey anal sex?
Guest Speaker: Where the hell did you hear THAT from?
Girl: Dateline. Oh, my friend had a cat and all his teeth fell out.
Guest Speaker: That's nice.

-- overheard by Eric


Girl: Um, is Chapter 20 on the exam?
Prof: Yes.
Girl: But you didn't post any notes online, and I wasn't here yesterday. How am I supposed to study for it?

-- Class, overheard by Eric

Just another ho-hum morning at Saugeen...

Girl: Give me back my man, get out of my bed, and put on some clothes!

-- overheard by Diana and Cynthia

Jesus turned water into wine, so that means we can get drunk on his holy day.

Alcoholic Churchgoer: I had to come back and get another 12. My husband drank mine while I was at church.

-- LCBO, overheard by Jonathan

Friday, August 11, 2006

NEWS POST: New "Funny Comment" Feature

While most of you are content with making bad "your mom" jokes and so-2004 references to ninjas and pirates in the comments section of our blog, there are a few shiny stars out there who make reading the comments worthwhile. Therefore, we have started a new feature in the sidebar, with the Funny Comment of the Moment. (It's of the "moment" instead of "day" or "week" because, hey, we're lazy, and you all can't always be counted on to say amusing things like clockwork.)

Obviously, getting your anonymous comment on the sidebar is a dubious and meaningless honour, so get out there and be funny. Except don't try too hard. We can tell when you're reaching.

Fail is a verb, McJob is a noun, so you better familarize yourself with both.

Three girls are studying for an English exam.

Girl #1: Okay, so wait - what's a noun again?
Girl #2: That's a person, place or thing.
Girl #3: No, that's a verb!
Girl #2: No, I'm pretty sure a noun is a person, place or thing.
Girl #3: Well, one of us is going to fail this exam, and it's not going to be me!

-- Huron, overheard by H

Hamburgers? Pssh, you can't construct some fake Canadian cultural identity around those.

Guy in Line at Tim Horton's: (after an intense perusal of the menu selection) Hey, do you guys sell hamburgers?
TH Employee: (shaking head in disbelief) What? Dude, this is Tim Horton's!

-- Tim Horton's in UCC, overheard by Jenna

None. None at all.

Girl: (contemplating salsa) What's the difference between mild and medium?

-- Huron, overheard by H

Thursday, August 10, 2006

The Lost Eleventh Commandment: "Thou shalt not quit."

Guy #1: Hey kids, I'm gonna have to pull the chute now. I can't stay out drinking all night - gotta work tomorrow.
Guy #2: Are you kidding me? You can't quit now! It's only midnight! Hey, you know who hates quitters? Jesus.

-- Molly's, overheard by Paul

Friday, August 04, 2006

Really? Wow, let's alert the government so more soldiers don't die ... oh, wait.

Guy: You know, I've been looking into the situation in the Middle East, and I really can't see it being over any time soon.

-- overheard by Liz

"Aw, really? Now what the hell I am gonna do with this giant metal rod?"

Girl #1: What like happens when you like get hit by lightning? Does it like screw up your neurons or something?
Girl #2: I think so, but I like don’t want to find out.

-- 10 Wonderland, overheard by Tarrah

Overheard on the Road: Sauble Beach

Girl #1: (building a sandcastle) Hey look, I’m Amish!
Girl #2: Pssh. Amish people don’t have shovels.

-- overheard by Andrew

With a 100% chance of drunken stupidity.

Girl in line at a club: It's so hot tonight, I'm already precipitating!

-- overheard by D