Thursday, September 27, 2007

Try to avoid accidents like you?

Girl #1: Well, it's their 25th [anniversary], and I'm 18...
Girl #2: Really? What did they do for seven years?

-- overheard by Zac

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

"Yes. Regrettably, they grind your bones to make their bread."

Girl: Did you know the only vegetarian options Swiss Chalet has are fries and salad?

-- 10 Wonderland

"Not if there are pictures!"

Three girls are talking in front of Nat. Sci.

Girl #1: No, by that time I'm doing actual work. I'm reading.
Girl #2: (to other two) Do you girls actually read?

-- In front of Nat. Sci., overheard by William

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

And now, topping the list of words we would never put on a t-shirt...

Girl: (talking on her cell phone) So for my birthday next weekend my mom is going to take me shopping at Sherway Gardens!... Yeah, I'm super excited. They have so many stores that I've never been to before, like "Abercrombie & Fitch" and "Holocaust"!
Boyfriend: It's "Hollister", dumbass.

-- City bus

Overheard on the Road: University of Toronto

Girl: (explaining why she failed to submit her assignment to "" on time) I think the problem was that there was this extra button on the web page called 'submit', and I didn't press it. I just loaded my essay on the page, and I was like, "great, it's in the system."

-- U of T, overheard by J.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Coincidentally, dinner went downhill from that point.

Girl #1: I was never allowed to watch Married With Children when I was a kid - my parents thought the content was too racy.
Guy: Remember Ted McGinley, who played Marcy's second husband? He's, like, the patron saint of "jumping the shark". Every time he's on a show, it's a sure signal that the show is about to tank. He killed Happy Days, The Love Boat, Dynasty...
Girl #2: Hey, isn't that him at the next table?
Guy: (looks) Yes. Fuck.

-- Bistro 990

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

"Also, I have a rash on my back."

Two guys knock on a neighbour's door. A girl answers.

Girl: Heyyyy...
Guy #1: Hey, whassup... (mindless chatter ensues)
Guy #2: Oh hey, are those yoga pants?
Girl: Yeah totally, they're lululemons.
Guy #1: They're hot.
Guy #2: (loudly) I'm wearing a J. Crew sweater.

A long, awkward silence follows.

-- Waterloo Street, overheard by Alex

"Actually, I meant stigmata. My scourge marks tend to freak out the doctors."

Girl #1: Oh, yeah, I can't get laser eye surgery because I have a stigma.
Girl #2: I think you mean "astigmatism".

-- overheard by Erika

It could also mean that you're being texted by The Fonz.

Jock Dude #1: So she, like, texted me the other day and in it she put her "Heyyyy!" with multiple "y"s.
Jock Dude #2: Oooh, multiple "y"s! You know what that means!
Jock Dude #1: Oh yeah. You know a girl is, like, ready to go when she does that. There's a direct ummm... (searches earnestly for the word "correlation" but fails to find it) link... between the number of "y"s a girl puts on her "hey" and how much she wants to fuck you!

-- Line-up for bus passes, overheard by Mel

Monday, September 10, 2007

"...or my school isn't WU... UO... uh... Western!"

Arrogant Western Guy: He didn't even know what DUI stands for - it means drinking and driving!

-- Alex P. Keaton, overheard by Zac

"I would have said so sooner, but I naturally assumed that you were just hitting on me."

Cashier: Do you have your Blockbuster card?
Standard-Issue Western Blonde: No.
Cashier: Do you have a membership with Blockbuster?
Standard-Issue Western Blonde: No. I don't want one.
Cashier: You need a membership in order to rent movies from Blockbuster.
Standard-Issue Western Blonde: In that case I have one.

-- Blockbuster, overheard by Christine

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

This kid's destination: a very confused adolescence

Five-Year-Old Boy: (looking at magazines) Dad, what does a "sex fantasy" mean?
Dad: It means put that back!
Five-Year-Old Boy: Does it really mean that?

-- Mustang Alley, overheard by Peter

"I was perfectly justified in thinking that it was forty-five o'clock!"

Shop Clerk: (to another clerk) Well, the long arm of the clock should show hours because hours are longer than minutes!

-- Masonville Mall, overheard by William

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

But thanks to Can-Con, he would still be brutally overplayed.

Guy: (singing "Never Again" obnoxiously loud and off-key, to Girl) How do you like my singing?
Girl: You sound like Chad Kroeger with AIDS!

-- overheard by Jennifer