Tuesday, January 31, 2006

"Oh my God, it's Alan Thicke!"

Guy: I wonder who is in that SUV limo?
Girl: Probably somebody who is not poor!

-- 7 Wavell, overheard by Peter

Theatre kids: making out is only so you can cry and blog about it later.

Cast member #1: Where should we sit?
Cast member #2: In the back, so we can make out.

-- Purple Shorts backstage

Gentlemen, we have a screamer.

Extremely Loud Blonde: So, what's your name?
Dude: [John]
Extremely Loud Blonde: Oh really, so where do you live?

After a few more minutes of annoying, loud, pointless talking...

Extremely Loud Blonde: You know, I'm a really persistent girl, and I LOVE SEX ... I LOVE SEX.

-- Joe Kool's, overheard by Geoff

Monday, January 30, 2006

So... would you say it was funny, then?

HBA #1: That's sooooooo funny.
HBA #2: That's sooooooo funny.
HBA #3: That's sooooooo funny.
HBA #4: That's sooooooo funny.
HBA #5: That's sooooooo funny.

-- Ivey, overheard by Sean

"In fact, I just want to replace myself with a mannequin entirely."

Girl #1: Ugh, I wish I'd worn a better shirt.
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #3: I wish my boobs were bigger. Oh my god, I saw like the nicest fake boobs in the Victoria's Secret window. I like, wanted to buy them.

-- 29 Park, overheard by Jessica

"I mean, it would take like ... an hour to clean out the microwave."

Prof: ...pop popcorn and drink beer. Well, actually I shouldn't pop Popcorn -- that's the name of my dog. Boy, what a mess.

-- Psych 280, overheard by Dave

Saturday, January 28, 2006

A rare moment of self-awareness for London Transit personnel...

Bus driver: Everyone move to the back! Come on! (sings) I like to move it move it! I like to move it move it! (He gets off the bus.) Man, I'm such an asshole.

-- 10, Natsci, overheard by Mark

It can be so challenging to co-ordinate all four limbs at once...

Chanel Chick getting ready for a night out: My head hurts from trying on so many clothes!

-- Med-Syd, overheard by Megan

And you thought lawyers were soulless creatures.

Law Professor: I don't even know what fine arts is. But I assume it involves, like... making stuff.

-- Law school, overheard by Drew

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Someone has a lot of faith in Harper's plan to beef up the Canadian military...

Girl #1: I hate Ontario. You know what province I do like?
Girl #2: Which one?
Girl #1: Hawaii.
Girl #2: Hawaii's not a province!
Girl #1: Well, it could be. I mean we were going to take over Turks and Caicos, weren't we?

-- Bridge over Thames River, overheard by Christine

Human emotions are for poor people.

Ugg Girl #1: So this weekend I was totally drunk and the cab I was in totally fucking hit some girl. It, like, totally ruined my buzz.
Ugg Girl #2: Oh my God! Was she okay?
Ugg Girl #1: We got out and she was sitting in the street just twitching and shit. Some girl we were with knew CPR, but she was just as drunk as I was. It just killed the buzz I had going on.
Ugg Girl #1 and #2: Hahahahahahaha!

-- Soc. 172b, overheard by Jason

"Yes. Duh, that makes me judgmental."

Girl #1: You know what? I don't respect anyone who chooses to just not eat something because they don't want to, when there are so many people out there that wish they could but can't eat the things they want.
Girl #2: Uh, aren't you a vegetarian?

-- Fox and the Fiddle, overheard by Ashley

Frankly, we're shocked there isn't a plastic surgeon in the UCC. Hey, he could be between the knockoff perfumes and the shitty CDs!

Girl #1: So hey, do you ever see [Heather] anymore?
Girl #2: Oh yeah, and she's looking really good too. I think she lost some weight.
Girl #1: Um ... she didn't lose weight, that's not why she looks different.
Girl #2: What do you mean?
Girl #1: Heather got breast implants over the holidays.
Girl #2: No way, you're fucking kidding me!
Girl #1: Nope, she did. She didn't actually lose weight, they just make her look smaller.
Girl #2: Oh my god, that's crazy! I can't wait to see her again, I'm going to be like, "Heeeey Heather!"

-- Bus, overheard by Louise

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

"...And my people are masters of disguise."

Girl: Hey, are you growing a moustache there?
Guy: What? (Feels face) No, no. See, it's because I'm Greek...

-- Ivey

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Self-esteem-boosting tip o' the day: Get yourself some new friends.

Girl #1: (Talking to Girl #2) If you're going to work at Hooters you might as well be a stripper.
Girl #3: They're, like, the same thing - using their bodies to make money.
Guy: But don't bartenders do the same thing for better tips?
Girl #3: That's different.
Guy: So this means nobody would care if I became a male stripper?
Girl #1: Nobody cares what you do anyway.

Girls #1, #2, and #3 all laugh.

-- Overheard by Guy 2

That's dedication.

Hungry man #1: I could really go for an all-you-can eat McDonald's buffet right now.
Hungry man #2: Yeah, but I'd just eat until my heart stopped.

-- Law Library

Take two 40s and call me in the morning.

Guy #1: You're going to put yourself in an alcohol-induced coma!
Guy #2: You mean sleep?

-- The Spoke, overheard by Zachary

Monday, January 23, 2006

Rock the Youth Vote: Exhibit B

Starbucks employee #1 (on drive through speaker): Thank you for choosing Starbucks, how can we help you?
Starbucks employee #2 (with newscaster voice): In the news: Starbucks employee assassinates Stephen Harper.

-- Starbucks, overheard by Laura

Rock the Youth Vote: Exhibit A

Guy #1: This is great. Voting gives me a legitimate reason to be skipping class.
Guy #2: What class do you have right now?
Guy #1: Canadian politics.

-- London North polling centre, overheard by Bonnie

Cue porn music ... doctor's office remix...

Two medical students are practising their physical examination clinical skills on each other. This involves touching and feeling the chest, back and other areas.

Guy #1: Okay, that's how you check for lumps in the back. Now what?
Guy #2: Now do me. (takes off his shirt) I'm ready.

-- Medical Sciences building, overheard by Robin

But there better be a bitchin' chase scene.

A teen couple is getting tickets at the theatre, and the guy is picking the movie. There is a line up behind them.

Guy: So uh, what's playing right now? What's good?
Girl at ticket booth: Well, Syriana has just begun.
Guy: What's that about?
Girl: I guess its about oil in the Middle East, CIA. A political thriller. I haven't seen it.
Guy: Oh. Well... is there like... killing and shit?
Girl: Um...
Girl behind in line, getting impatient: Stuff blows up....
Girl at ticket booth, looking distressed: Yeah I think there's killing....
Guy: Cool. We'll go to that.

-- Rainbow Cinemas, overheard by Chris and Mary

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Is bacon a vegetable?

Harvey's employee: (holding up burger) Veggie burger with cheese!
Harvey's employee: (looks at girl in line) You ordered a veggie burger with cheese, right?
Girl: Oh, I thought you said a vegan burger with cheese.

-- Huron cafeteria, overheard by Dana

Nonsense, dear. They could just smell your friend's desperation.

Girl #1: Yeah, Jack's totally killed my buzz. If we were at Jim Bob's all night it would have been better ...
Girl #2: 'Cause I need to get laid.
Girl #3: And, like, did you see all the guys around us at Jim Bob's?
Girl #2: Well obviously, we're a bunch of white girls.

-- Richmond Row, overheard by Jamie

Friday, January 20, 2006

Hey, when all the girls have blonde streaks and sweatpants, you have to find ways of telling them apart.

Big Guy (to a girl as he walks past): Hey [Sarah]!
Girl (turning to leave): Hey.
Big Guy (once she's out of earshot): Is it bad that I recognized her by her butt?
Little Guy: Not really ... I mean, she was turned around, so you couldn't see her breasts...
(after a minute of laughing)
Little Guy: We're definitely going to hell.

-- Delaware Hall, overheard by George

I bet an iron ring could cure that.

Engineering Guy #1: Have you ever noticed that when you jack off too much with your right hand, "it" starts to curve to the right?
Engineering Girl: Um... *looking at other guys*
Engineerings Guys #2,3,4: No... *eyebrows raised and heads shaken*

-- in front of UC, overheard by Steph

It continues...

Girl: You know what I want? Some Ugg boots.
Guy: So you WANT to be thrown into traffic?

-- Nat Sci, overheard by Steph

Nah, Jesus actually said to cast stones at him. Or something. I'm sure that was the general gist of it.

Girl: Who was Mahatma Gandhi?
Guy: He was the guy that was all about not fighting back. He said that thing about if someone strikes you to turn the other cheek.
Girl: Wasn't that Jesus?

-- overheard by Evan

Thursday, January 19, 2006

If you stop wearing 'em, we'll stop posting 'em.

Big Bag Girl: I've spent so much of my money on shoes! I have no money left!
Ugg Boots Girl: Really?
Big Bag Girl: Yeah and it's sad because I want to buy some new really cute red Ugg boots.
Ugg Boots Girl: My Ugg boots are all I wear. In the summer, I wear them with all my skirts. It's just so cute!
Big Bag Girl: I know this guy that told me that he thinks that Ugg Boots are sooo ugly. He's like, "Any guy that dates a girl that wears Ugg boots must be retarded."
Ugg Boots Girl: Are you kidding me? Doesn't he know that we wear Ugg boots because guys think we look cute in them?
Big Bag Girl: Yeah, it's not like a girl can look cute in running shoes!

-- 2 Dundas, overheard by Christina

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Looking for depth at Western? This guy will be single forever.

Guy #1: Why'd you break it off with your girl?
Guy #2: Don't get me wrong, she was really nice and sweet, but I guess a little shallow? She was pretty frivolous about most things. Life is just a party to her - one long night at The Drink. It's fun for a while, but then you need to talk to someone and feel like you're not talking to MTV.

-- Centre Spot, overheard by Brian

Nah, you can still bug upper years to buy you wine coolers and flavoured vodka.

Hot First Year Bio Blonde: They almost took my fake ID away. If I lose my ID, my life at Western is pretty much over. I might as well drop out...

-- First Year Bio, overheard by Jon

Panic and laziness: together at last.

A girl runs into the library, looking panicked.

Girl: Hey [Dave], when's the FOMSC meeting?!
Guy: 5:45. Are you going?
Girl: No.

-- overheard by Jonathan

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Whoa, whoa. Let's not go to extremes here.

Girl: Did we have a reading to do for today?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: I wish I had the motivation to read the stuff.
Guy: Well, maybe if you stop drinking so much beer...

-- Soc 172, overheard by Dan

"Or at least fall asleep in night class!"

Bus Driver: All right! Move to the back, ladies and gentlemen! There are five more eager students just waiting to learn!

-- 2 Dundas, overheard by Min

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your 1.21 Jigowatts

Prof: Shakespeare definitely didn't read Northrop Frye, unless he time travelled. But maybe he did!

-- English class, overheard by Luke

Monday, January 16, 2006

Or they could have a real party and buy both...

Girl: Oh nooo, you guys... I lost my wallet!
Roommate: Well, maybe someone turned it in at the bar. Did you have money in it?
Girl: No, just credit... But they could buy a hooker! Or a pizza!

-- Richmond Street, overheard by Lindsey

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Correction: this class is full of womyn.

Guy: Man, this class is all girls. What the hell?
Girl: (Mumbling to self while walking by) No shit, dumbass.

-- Brescia, overheard by Meg

Loss of social conscience? Check.

Girl #1: You know, I might even vote Conservative.
Girl #2: Really? Why?
Girl #1: Well, I'm upwardly mobile now...

-- Richmond St.

We hope they were wearing Livestrong bracelets. The irony would be fabulously overwhelming...

Peroxide Girl #1: Why can't cyclists learn how to drive? They're just doing it to annoy everybody!
Peroxide Girl #2: Yeah, they're just trying to be all trendy and environmental.

-- 13 Wellington

Friday, January 13, 2006

Whoa, whoa. This is an undergraduate class.

Prof: You have to write a book review in this class. Now, telling me that the book was boring is not enough. You have to give me reasons as to why.

-- Canadian Business and Labour History, overheard by Rachel

Vodka allergy, eh? We hear that shots can work wonders for that.

Girl #1: I think I'm allergic to alcohol.
Girl #2: What makes you say that?
Girl #1: Well, last night I drank a bunch of vodka waters and now today I totally feel sick. I think I am having an allergic reaction or something.

-- 6 Richmond, overheard by Jay

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Derive from first principles.

Professor: There's a simple rule to remember what to stick into who.

-- Calculus 051 lecture, overheard by Kevin

Procrastination: it's what separates us from the animals

Prof: (giving out the outline for the course) There's a 50% late penalty for each day after the final deadline, so after two days, don't bother handing your paper in.
Ugg Girl #1: Oh my God, I am so dropping this course.
Ugg Girl #2: Totally.

-- Comparative Animal Physiology lecture, Overheard by Wick

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

That deal sounds finger-lickin' good.

Guy #1: There's nothing like fucking for chicken.
Guy #2: What?!
Guy #1: This girl needed some food, and said she'd fuck me for some chicken.
Guy #3: That is a pretty good deal.
Guy #1: Yeah, but it means I have to carry chicken around with me.

-- Bathroom of the Wave during Rick McGhie, overheard by Mike

McGruff would be proud of her vigilance. We, however, fear for the gene pool.

Girl: I owe you $10. You have two $10s, right?
Guy: I have one $10, and you have a $20, so I'll take that and we're good.
Girl: That doesn't work! Stop trying to rip me off!

-- Mike's friend's kitchen, overheard by Mike

Somewhere in Canada, a high school English teacher's head just exploded.

Prof: To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep...
Girl #1: That's a quote from Billy Madison!
Girl #2: That is such a good movie!

-- Stats class, overheard by Mike

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Spoken like a future Wal-Mart manager.

Girl: I hope they don't do any union stuff; it sucks.

-- Canadian Business and Labour History class

Besides, two more times and his New Year's resolution is down the toilet!

Under-the-Influence Guy: Hey, if I run in there, do you think [the rez desk clerk] will chase after me?
Resident: Umm... I dunno. You never know.
Under-the-Influence Guy: Yeah... maybe you're right. I don't need to be arrested again this year.

-- Alumni House, overheard by Dave

Thursday, January 05, 2006

"We have a swell cafetorium" suddenly seems far less interesting.

Usher #1: You know what the difference between your school and my school is?
Usher #2: What?
Usher #1: At my school, we get to electrocute monkeys.

-- Rainbow Cinemas, overheard by John

Monday, January 02, 2006

Starting the New Year off with a classic...

Girl #1: I so wanna go shopping for some Uggs.
Girl #2: Why? Don't you already have, like, two pairs?
Girl #1: Yeah, I do. But they're not name brand Uggs, just knock-offs. I want the real thing.

- Delaware bus stop, overheard by Leah