Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Potassium: The Silent Killer

Concerned citizen: Did you know that if you eat 8 or 9 bananas in a row, you die? That's the potassium imbalance. That's why you won't even see monkeys doing it. So if you ever see someone lining up a bunch of bananas ... you know, intervene.
Smartass friend: What about 5 really big bananas?

-- The Spoke

Millions of fat kids would beg to differ.

Guy on cell: I'm sorry, I just don't think anyone could eat a cake that big.

-- UCC, pharmacy

Even if you bribed him with a new pointy hat?

Guy #1: I can't believe you didn't know the Pope was Polish. Didn't you go see him when he came to Toronto?
Guy #2: I'm from Chatham.
Guy #1: Oh yeah, the Pope totally wouldn't go to Chatham.

-- UC hill

Monday, May 30, 2005

No, they're laughing with you.

Girl #1: I can't believe I drank eight beers last night at the club!
Girl #2: Beers are high in fat! Did you know that each one has eight grams of fat in it?
Girl #1: Oh my God! That means last night I had ... (very long pause) ... 36 grams of fat!
(Everyone listening bursts out laughing.)
Girl #1: (whispering) Do you think they're laughing at us?

-- Train to London, overheard by Ryan

And besides, Times New Roman is where it's AT!

Font enthusiast: Sans serif is sans class!

-- Law Library

Allow me to introduce posterity's glandular cousin...

Guy: You definitely need to save that one for prosterity.

-- Law Library

That's why we love the Western girls.

Guy: I like them a little looser.
Girl: Oh really? I like it tight.

-- Path between UCC and Law

He was the smarterest one at the whole gradiation.

Guy: Oh, yeah. I was the valevictorian, you know.

-- UCC, Tim Horton's

Hey, that's what Kermit the Frog said after he ... oh, never mind.

Girl: My hands smell like bacon.

-- UCC, women's washroom