Wednesday, April 18, 2007

"I only bought it because they had a 2-for-1 deal at that place where I bought my Che Guevara shirt..."

A girl approaches her friend, clearly angry. She's wearing a shirt that says "Everything's Bigger in Texas".

Girl: Arghh... why is everyone giving me flak for this shirt? Does it have some sort of sexual connotation that I'm not aware of?!

-- Med-Syd Cafeteria, overheard by Matthew

Was it an electric toothbrush?

Girl #1: I have toothpaste on my crotch.
Girl #2: Uh... what?
Girl #1: I was brushing my teeth this afternoon and I got excited.

-- Ladies' bathroom, Interpol concert, overheard by Natalie

And still, no one's gay for Moleman.

Guy: I'm gay for these guys.
Girl: You're what?
Guy: I'm gay for these guys.
Girl: (giggles nervously)

-- Great Lake Swimmers Show, Aeolian Hall, overheard by Robert

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

"And I'm horny now!"

Girl: I refuse to be someone's "sex kitten" to only alleviate their raging sex hormones. There's no love in that! It's purely based on the biology of excess hormones men have at this age.
Guy: You've never had sex, have you...
Girl: I'll be glad to have sex when I know the guy is right for me.
Guy: You might have to wait a long time for that...

-- overheard by Diane

6 Down: 7 letters, ends in "T-A-R-D-S"...

Girl #1: I hate crosswords. It's like, I don't care about what the word is. It's like, FUCK YOU, I don't give a shit! Finding that word isn't going to make my life better!
Girl #2: Oh, I know. But I LOVE word searches!

-- Lucy's, overheard by Jennifer

What about fat kids?

Girl: (talking on cell) I'm doing my paper on child euthanasia. (pause) Yeah, they'd have to be terminally ill... not just ugly kids.

-- Taylor Library, overheard by Natalie

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Remember: no white covers after Labour Day.

Girl #1: Sometimes I change the colour of my laptop cover to match my outfit.
Girl #2: Oh. Me too, for sure.

-- Ivey corridor, overheard by Alex

Look what UV rays are doing now...

Rollerblader: (to a guy behind him) I can't hear you, the sun's in my eyes!

-- Masonville, overheard by Tia

Pssh, everyone feels this way sometimes.

Girl: I just want to rub some ointment containing scopolamine and atropine on a broomstick, stick it in my cooch, and fly away!

-- overheard by Tiffany

Animals are people, right?

Prof: You may be wondering why a fat, old man is here to teach you about sexual techniques. Not to worry. I've actually had sex. Twice. One of those times was with another person.

-- Psych 153, overheard by Robyn

"And then, after eighty years, I totally just left it to sit in the destruction I wrought."

Professor: (after jamming a window open to stop it from creaking) See? I just colonized that window. I silenced it!

-- English 232, overheard by Gennelle

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Hey, if Clinton can have an official policy...

Guy: Mr. President, what is your official policy on drunk sluts?
USC Pres: Uh... no comment.
Guy: That's okay, I'll nail enough for both of us.

-- Convention Centre

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

"Get him!"

Girl: Hey! That guy pierced my nipple on Friday!

-- Bertoldi's

Plus, it would probably embiggen the smallest man.

Girl #1: Oh, man, I still have to contribute money for the grad gift.
Girl #2: Yeah, I had to do that yesterday.
Girl #1: What sucks is that you have no say as to how the gift is used. I mean, a portrait of Professor [Johnson] is nice, but a statue of Professor [Johnson] fighting a bear... now that would be amazing!

-- Classroom

Monday, April 02, 2007

And those who don't like beer can go back to Russia.

Prof: With regards to open source software, when I say "free software", I don't mean free as in "free beer". Although free beer is important to those who like beer.

-- MIT 351, overheard by Dan

Or being offered one at a party.

Chiropractor: Well, it looks like you're carrying way fewer bags today!
Girl: I know, I've been trying to cut back.
Chiropractor: It's almost like you have an addiction...
Girl: Yeah. What's really hard is being around a lot of bags.

-- UWO Chiropractic Clinic

Or stab yourself in the eye with an Allen key...

Professor: It’s like IKEA. You buy some furniture. Think you can put it all together. You go home and fail and then go slit your wrists in the corner.

-- MOS, overheard by Shawn