"It's just ... so hard!"

Whiny girl: I JUST DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX TONIGHT, OKAY?

-- Deli, overheard by Diana, Cynthia, and Ryan

We Hope They're Not Med Students, Vol. Infinity

Guy #1: I tore all the cartilage in my bones!
Guy #2: You mean like osteoporosis?

-- 2 Dundas

Sweet, a man in uniform.

Guy #1: I get paid to get girls' phone numbers!
Guy #2: You have that club job?
Guy #1: No, I work at Loblaws.

-- 2 Dundas

"I mean, all he really has to do is touch the bathroom at Jim Bob's."

Girl #1: Ew, I totally hate that guy.
Girl #2: Ugh, me too. I hope he gets like chlamydia or something... (turns to Girl #3) Oh wait ... no sorry, I didn't mean from you, [Jackie]...

-- Huron College, overheard by Alison

And anorexia lives in skinny cells!

Guy: Maybe all the media focus on girls being skinny is why more men have cancer. After all, cancer lives in fat cells.

-- Advertising & Society 172, overheard by Mandy

Traumatic childhoods, Western-style:

Mullet Guy: Man, whatever happened to waterbeds?
Tanned Guy: Oh man, yeah. Waterbeds, they were the shit!
Mullet Guy: Yeah, apparently they were bad for you back or something. Whatever happened to sand beds? Did they have those?
Tanned Guy: Oh yeah, of course they did. They're awesome. Hey, my brother had a bean bag chair when he was little. Full of beans?
Mullet Guy: Extremely.
Tanned Guy: Yeah, extremely. Anyway, it broke and beans went EVERYWHERE.
(Pause.)
Tanned Guy: Completely ruined his life.

-- Concrete Beach, overheard by Caylen

"Do you want to?"

Girl: Do you smell something burning?
Guy: Yeah, maybe like the trains on fire or something.
Girl: What? I don't want to die on this train, not when I spent 50 bucks to be on here!
Guy: Have you ever smelled a burning body?

-- Train, overheard by Meghan

Yes. His role in the film helped launch his political career.

Guy: So, did you hear that the President of Rwanda is here today?
UGG Girl: Isn't he the guy from that movie Hotel Rwanda?

-- The Spoke, overheard by Laura

"I had gotten my student number right without checking my card even once!"

Girl: How'd your exam go?
Guy: Oh, well, I was doing just fine until I read the first question.

-- 13 Wellington, overheard by Frances and Alex

A well-endowed I-Banker? But then what would he be compensating for with his BMW?

Girl: ...And he was telling me how cute his new girlfriend is. He was like, "Oh she's so tiny and cute, and her face is so cute I just want to cup it in my hands."
Friend: You should just be like, "Oh yeah, my new investment banker boyfriend... his penis is so big and cute I just want to cup it in my hands."

-- King's University College library, overheard by Sandra

Even more illogical: this girl taking math.

Girl with Bug-eye Sunglasses: Math is like.... so illogical.

-- Waiting for the 13 Wellington outside Deli, overheard by Taylor

No, that comes from Western.

Girl #1: Do you know cashmere comes from goats?
Girl #2: Yeah, and rayon comes from India.
Girl #3: What? Rim-job?

-- overheard by Robyn

What about "Wheat Phat"?

Guy: I wonder if they call these crackers Wheat Thins so that subconsciously people get attracted to the word "thin" and then buy it.
Girl: Yeah, it would probably work.
Guy: Yeah, I guess it wouldn't sell if you called them Wheat Fat.

-- UCC, overheard by G

"That way, I have an excuse!"

Girl #1: I'm like, not gonna get really drunk tomorrow ... Well, I am, but I actually want to remember the stuff I do and people I talk to!
Girl #2: I don't!

-- overheard by Erica

You and Andrew McCarthy!

Guy #1: She just never shuts up.
Guy #2: I know the feeling.
Guy #1: I wish I could find myself a naked woman who never speaks.
Guy #2: Yeah, they've got those now, they're called mannequins.
Guy #1: I really need to get one of them!

-- UCC, overheard by Jonny

I'd like to use a lifeline.

At karaoke:

Girl: (Looking at the song listing) Ooh! I know what I want to sing! What's the name of that song... You know, it's by this band from a long time ago, and there's a guy on the guitar, and there are four people in the band...

-- Molly Bloom's

Nonsense. One means loving women, the other means loving women.

Girl #1: I don't get how he thinks your hair is a feminist style.
Girl #2: Didn't he say it was a lesbian cut?
Girl #1: Oh yeah. Hee hee! Well, same thing.

-- The Spoke, overheard by Mary and Cindy

To be fair, he really should have been.

Girl #1: Hey, did you hear David Suzuki is coming to town?
Girl #2: Wasn't he in The Karate Kid?
Girl #1: Ummm...

-- The Spoke, overheard by Mary and Cindy

"See, it's just on fire!"

Smarter Girl: Oh my God! You can't put metal in the microwave!
Dumb Girl: Don't be so stupid, [Heather] - It's tinfoil!

-- overheard by Erin

No, it actually means you've got 280%. Whoa!

Girl #1: So I got 60% on the first two tests, and 80% on the second two tests.
Girl #2: So that means you've got a 97% in the class right?
Girl #1: Yeah, that sounds about right!

-- B&GS, overheard by Courtney

Well, with some creativity, you could still see her...

Girl: I was supposed to see [Cathy], but she freaking died.

-- overheard by Mary

"No! It was so witty and original, man!"

Guy: (noticing the reserved sign on the table) Reserved? Reserved for my balls! (to his friends) Can you believe I just said that?!

-- Call the Office, overheard by Cyrus

It was actually a picture of bunnies and kittens.

Guy: What's this one called? Violent death?
Girl: It's called Untitled.

-- Museum London, overheard by Dan

Overheard on the Road: Nipissing University

Matt Good: The U.S. government just told the Afghan government to go fuck themselves.
Drunk Guy #1: Man, did he just tell the Iraqis to go fuck themselves?
Drunk Guy #2: Are there Iraqis here?

-- Matt Good concert, overheard by Allison

But it's so little and harmless!

Girl: It's not that I'm AFRAID of it. I just don't like it being thrust in my face!

-- Wendy's, overheard by Bryan

"And, on an unrelated note, my midsection seems to be expanding."

Rubi: Hey, look at your hair! It's so dark!
Girl: I'm pregnant!

-- Rubi's cafe, overheard by Linda

And kilojoules!

Girl: No, no, no, no, no. You see, when you go to the gym, you don't burn calories, you burn energy.

-- overheard by Sarah

No, they just look real hard at stuff.

Guy #1: Is that the observatory?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: Think there's a telescope in there?

-- overheard by Will

Is that what that burning smell was?

Stupid Girl: (Talking about a test she failed) ...So, like, all the stupid people in the class got better marks than me because I was over-thinking when I answered the questions.

-- 10 Wonderland, overheard by Brian

Better or worse than a sack and a river?

Guy: Yeah, my buddy's cat is dying, it has flesh-eating disease or something. And his dad told him to just hit it over the head with a shovel, but he couldn't do it.

-- Spoke, overheard by Karly

Is that with or without Scarborough?

Prof: Now, who can name the three richest provinces in Canada?
Girl: B.C., Alberta and Toronto!

-- Soc 20, overheard by Cody

Doctor Penfield, I smell a dumbass.

Ugg Girl: If you like, randomly smell toast, you are going to have a heart attack.
Sweatpants Guy: What? Really?
Ugg Girl: Everyone knows that!

--Nat Sci, overheard by Mary

He serves them up backhand.

Keener Law Guy: Hey guys, guess what happened while I was playing tennis with [Professor Smith]?
Law Student #1: ...You play tennis with a professor?
Keener: Oh yeah, on Saturdays. It was windy, and...
(The other law student interrupts and makes fellatio gestures.)
Keener: No, really, it was windy, and he is a great player and so wanted to keep playing and...
Law Student #2: Do you play with the professor’s balls or do you have your own?

-- Law School, overheard by Phil

Was it a pearl necklace?

Girl: (to Necklace Guy) Is that a new necklace? It looks good.
Creepy Guy: Yeah, it looks very becoming on you. Of course, if I was on you, I'd be cumming, too.

-- overheard by Kale

The Keeblers will have their revenge.

Girl #1: What's that Robert Munsch story about the elf in the toaster?
Girl #2: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Girl #1: Oh, it's The Boy in the Drawer. I just looked it up.

-- overheard by Robyn

Breaking News: Math Tutors To Be Replaced With Chimpanzees

Guy #1: So it goes brackets, exponents, division...
Guy #2: Whoa, dude, this is savage.

-- Chambers

Sadly, Western doesn't offer a degree in talking about people. Happily, you can major in being a slutty whore.

Girl #1: I wonder if I should try and have sex with my TA before finals to make sure I pass this course.
Girl #2: Well, do you think you are actually going to fail?
Girl #1: Well, maybe not fail -- because I am pretty confident with about half the stuff we talk about. I just don't get why if you're not in science you have to take one of those stupid courses. I mean, I just like talking about people and stuff, and not about this DBA crap.
Girl #2: You mean DNA?
Girl #1: Yeah, whatever, what do you think I should do?
Girl #2: Well, if you think you are going to fail, they can only bump your mark up so much. So if you get like a 49%, then if you sleep with him, maybe you'll get a 60%.
Girl #1: Okay, well, what if I get a 60%, but maybe I want a better mark?
Girl #2: Well, then, for sure try and sleep with him because maybe he could push it as high as a B+, but not an A, that's too obvious.
Girl #1: That's okay, I like B's.
Girl #2: Yeah, B's are good.

-- Starbucks, overheard by Nicole

"Old enough to sneak out of detention!"

Girl: You know what would be questionable?
Friend: What?
Girl: If I dated a 16-year-old.
Friend: Like who?
Girl: [Dave].
Friend: How old is he?

-- Epworth, overheard by Sara

But both are so refreshing!

Guy #1: Yeah, sorry, I'm just really tired ... or just full of shit.
Guy #2: You do realize that those aren't mutually exclusive, eh?
Guy #1: Well, I like to pretend they are since it's a lot easier to take a nap than an enema.

-- overheard by Art

So ... Fast Eddie's is out?

Girl #1: I know I haven't had sex with anyone in a long time, but it's not like I'm going to do it just for the sake of doing it at this point. It's like if I were a vegetarian for a long time. I wouldn't just go out and get a greasy burger. I'd want to eat a steak.
Girl #2: Yeah, you especially don't want a greasy burger with syphilis.

-- Library

One more nail in Betty Friedan's coffin...

Blonde Girl #1: Me and my roommates were at a club, and there was like this huge line. And I was like, "No way."
Blonde Girl #2: TOTALLY!
Blonde Girl #1: So we, like, lifted up our shirts -- I mean, our jackets -- and the bouncer let us in.
Blonde Girl #2: Right on!

-- Weldon, overheard by Brandon

Overheard Across Town: Fanshawe College

Exchange Student: So to meet girls in clubs you just go up and grab them and rub your dick against their ass?
Guy: Yeah!
Appalled girl: NO! What the hell are you teaching him?!

-- Fanshawe College, overheard by Zoe

"Yeah, dude, because then she would have, like, powers."

Guy #1: Yeah man, I'm totally over her now, I just want to be plutonic friends with her.
Guy #2: You want her to be radioactive?

-- overheard by Michael

The correct term is schwing.

Girl: You know what? If we drink enough, we can get drunk enough to actually feel spring.

-- overheard by Stephen

On his behalf: ouch.

Girl: We should probably get tomatoes, don't you think?
Guy: Yeah, good idea.
Girl: (Picking up a tomato and handing it to him) How's this one?
Guy: Perfect. It's firm, but not too firm.
Girl: Just like you!

-- Cherry Hill A&P, overheard by Lindsay