Go ninja, go ninja, go!

Girl #1: Have I ever told you how much I hate Sex and the City?
Girl #2: Yes.
Girl #1: I just think that if women are going to base their lives around a TV show, it should be a cooler one... like Ninja Turtles.
Girl #2: You're right.
Girl #1: April O'Neil was a good role model. She was interested in reporting the truth, and wearing yellow jumpsuits. And nailing Casey Jones. He was hot.

-- Law School

"Better yet, why don't you meet us later? Miranda, Samantha and I will order you a cosmopolitan."

Girl on Cell: What? You're going on a date to the gym? Well, I guess that's okay; I mean, you could probably have sex in the sauna or changing room, right? What? Well, how long has it actually been? Since September? Yeah, but that guy didn't really count... what do you mean you can't remember his name? Hey, hey, relax, it's okay. I mean, you don't have to have sex with this guy, you know. Whatever, call me later to let me know how it goes.

-- UCC, overheard by Jenna

"Like, we should totally just raise money for fly swatters."

Girl #1: These charity ball things seem to be so fashionable these days - everyone is hosting one. And the money usually goes to some, like, cancer research project. I'm sorry, but I think that's such a waste of money and I refuse to give them anything. I mean, there are starving children in the world right now, and the money should go to them. It's not like money for cancer research is going to do anything anytime soon. Think of all those starving children in, like, Darfur. I see them on television and they've always got, like, flies on them and stuff; so much poverty, and cancer research is going nowhere.

-- Talbot College, overheard by Jenna

"With millions of dollars and an evil empire built on trans fats."

McDonald's Canada President: I'm not a tycoon, I'm just a fry guy.

-- Health Sciences presentation, overheard by Peter

After all, they are the number-one threat to America.

Guy #1: Hey, do you think that if animals could talk and were as smart as us, we would get along?
Guy #2: I think so. (pause) Actually, maybe not lions. They're pretty crazy.
Guy #1: Yeah we'd probably have to lock up all the lions and bears.
Guy #2: Damn, bears. Almost forgot.

-- Near Jim Bob's, overheard by Ryan

"For they will only buy you Labatt 50."

Guy: (talking to two girls) So my friends are really nice... just don't accept any drinks from them.

-- T.J. Baxter's, overheard by Nate

Some people stay sober by personal choice; others just can't afford to have their cognitive functions impaired.

Girl #1: I’ve never been around anyone that’s been drunk.
Girl #2: I’ve been drunk a few times.
Girl #1: What is a high percent, like 1% or 2%? What percent is beer?
Girl #2: Beer is 5%.
Girl #1: Is it wine that is made from grapes?
Girl #2: I think all alcohol is made from grapes. Beer and wine and whiskey and stuff.
Girl #1: Are you sure? I don’t think they all are...
Girl #2: Yeah, I’m positive. The only difference is how many years they let it ferment. Is that it, ferment? Yeah, ferment.
Girl #1: How much beer do you need to drink before you die?
Girl #2: I’m not sure if you can die from beer. I couldn’t say for sure.
Girl #1: I’m not considering suicide or anything. I just wondered.
Girl #2: It’s funny that you don’t know. All of this stuff is common knowledge to me.

-- Nat. Sci. Gen. labs, overheard by Pete

Communism bites.

Guy #1: It's amazing all the stuff you can get in spray bottles nowadays. Like sunscreen. Sunscreen is one of the most ridiculous things you can get in a spray bottle.
Guy #2: I know! It all just comes out in one stream, and you have to rub it in anyway. There's no advantage there. Why not just have it in a regular bottle?
Guy #3: The weirdest thing to me is the sunscreen/mosquito-repellent combination. I mean, when would you ever use those two things together?
Guy #2: Maybe if you were on a beach... that was near the woods?
Guy #1: Or... Cuba?

-- Cherryhill A&P

You might say that her cup runneth over.

Girl #1: Hey, how much did you pee?
Girl #2: Oh, I peed as much as I usually pee when I drink.
Girl #1: Really?
Girl #2: Yeah. Why, how much did you pee?
Girl #1: I peed WAY more than I usually do!

-- The Thorny Devil, overheard by Jennifer

Guy, if you want to tell your buddy that you pick up a lot of women at 1:55 a.m. at Jack's, just say so.

Guy #1: I don't get what the deal is with Ugg boots...
Guy #2: Oh, I fully get Ugg boots... they're like a girl who has a "killer personailty", if you get what I mean. They ain't that good-looking, but in the end they can still get the job done!

(Guys high-five each other.)

Guy #1: Dude! So true!
Guy #2: Don't I know it.

-- Einstein's Café, overheard by Moira

"It's science!"

Two students are talking about the upcoming Grey's Anatomy episode.

Girl: Meredith isn't going to die, she gets told that it's not her time.
Guy: They're going to kick off Burke because he's racist.
Girl: He can't be racist - he's black!

-- Business 020 class, overheard by Shawn

"And then I realized, 'Oh my God! I can't count past 21!'"

Girl #1: Have you seen Jim Carrey's new movie, Number 23? SO scary!
Girl #2: Oh my God, I know! I saw it on the weekend!
Girl #1: I woke up last night 'cause I heard a noise, and I looked at my clock and it said 2:31! I freaked out!
Girl #2: I know what you mean! Last night, I was thinking, "Oh my God! I am going to be 23 this year!" And then I started counting from 1985, and realized that I am only going to be 22 this year! I was so relieved!

-- 13 Wellington, overheard by Bryan

Clearly his picture had hungry eyes.

Girl #1: Hey, have you checked out my Facebook profile lately? I did this cool “celebrity look-alike” thing, where a Web site analyzes your picture and then picks out a bunch of celebrities that look like you.
Girl #2: My friend [Leo] did that once. It was weird – he didn’t get anyone Asian… except this one girl, and Patrick Swayze.

-- Law Library

Don't worry, that CLT will make you plenty sick.

Guy: I so don’t want to write my exam tomorrow. Can I lick your tonsils?

-- Spoke, waiting in line for a CLT, overheard by Andrew

That would be one magical animal.

Girl #1: No, but you have to have sex! You're like our house representative for having sex.
Girl #2: Yeah, you gotta. One of us has to. It's like you're bringing home the bacon, only it's sex bacon.

-- House party

"And hey, look! A squirrel!"

Three girls walk into a crowded bus shelter.

Girl #1: Oh God, it’s freezing!

(Girls #2 and #3 talk amongst themselves for a minute.)

Girl #1: FUCK LIFE!
Girl #2: You mean "fuck the weather".
Girl #1: No, fuck life... and fuck random people telling me I have ADD!

-- overheard by Dela

With Like a Virgin as the recessional?

Three girls are talking about sex.

Girl #1: So how long has it been?
Girl #2: Hmmm... about seven months or so.
Girl #3: What are you gonna do about it?
Girl #2: Hold a funeral for my vagina.

-- Prince Albert's Diner, overheard by Al

"Did nothing" = "stalked you on Facebook"

Two girls are in line at Tim Hortons. A male classmate approaches.

Guy: Hey.
Girl: Hey, how was your reading week?
Guy: Okay. I just went home, did nothing. How was yours?
Girl: It was good. I went to Florida.
Guy: Yeah, I saw some pic----tures (slows down, embarrassed).

(Awkward silence)

Guy: Well, I'll see ya.

-- Nat Sci, overheard by Alex

"That Asshole of the Year prize is YOURS, man!"

Guy #1: I totally told her I wasn't with anyone else on my cruise but I clearly slept with another girl!
Guy #2: VICTORY!!!

-- UCC, overheard by Shannon

Unless this is a Sex Psych assignment, they're heading for a firm, hard failure.

Girl #1: I want us to go hard on that assignment tomorrow.
Girl #2: Don't worry - I can't go soft.
Girl #1: Soft is for suckers.
Girl #2: Hey, speaking of soft, know what's an awful word?
Girl #1: Panties?
Girl #2: Yes. But also, "flaccid".
Girl #1: (simultaneously) "Flaccid". Haha, we hate the same words.
Girl #2: Of course, it makes sense that we would hate that one. It's an inherently disappointing word.
Girl #1: Stop! I mean, these jokes are so limp. Also, I should be sitting erect and listening.
Girl #2: That was a pretty turgid joke.
Girl #1: (laughing) We're being so disruptive.
Girl #2: I know!
Girl #1: It's totally premature laughing.

-- Law School

Finally - a drawback to dating Teen Wolf!

Girl #1: What's wrong?
Girl #2: Today I spent, like, an hour getting a dog hair out of my eyeball.
Girl #1: What? How did you do that?
Girl #2: I don't know... but every day I wake up with dog hair in my eyeballs.

-- Social Science Building, overheard by Christina

"Wanna share this cookie?"

Girl: So what did you do over the break?
Guy: Well, I beat off a lot.

-- Saugeen Snack Bar, overheard by Eric

Overheard on the Road: University of Alabama

Girl: Hey, quit staring at my breasts!
Guy #1: Yeah, why are you staring at my girlfriend's breasts?
Guy #2: Well, man, see... it's like this. She's like my sister.

-- UWO house party, overheard by Lissa