Plan C: Shout "Look - a diversion!" and run in while the bouncer is looking away.

Girl #1: I am so ready to go downtown - I've memorized my whole fake I.D.
Guy: Prove it! (He quizzes her and she knows everything) That's impressive.
Girl #1: Yeah, I even practiced the signature on it, like, 40 times.
Girl #2: Oh my God - I didn't! Do you think I should?
Girl #3: It doesn't matter, I've got a plan. If they won't let us in I'll just say, "okay, fine, but I have to go to the bathroom." Then I just won't leave the club.

-- Richmond 6, overheard by Jeremy

Overheard on the Road: University of Guelph

Guy: Man, I hate going to that class! Last time I went, I only wrote down two words: Geology!

-- University of Guelph rez hallway, overheard by Sara

Could it be the same people who are giving away the fake 'n' bake gift certificates?

Guy: Did you get one of those free coats they were handing out?
Girl: Free coats?
Guy: Yeah, the ones with the furry hoods.
Girl: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Guy: Well, I figured they must be free, since EVERYONE IS WEARING ONE.

-- University bridge, overheard by anonymous

Well, it is pretty dead there most nights...

Girl: Oh my God, it smells like euthanasia in here.

-- Bathroom of the Bar King Frog, overheard by Melissa

That's okay. It's hard for someone in 1973 to be friends with someone in 2007.

Hippie #1: I thought we were friends, but she hates Jerry Garcia, man. I could never be friends with that kind of person.
Hippie #2: Whoa.

-- Philosophy 145 Exam, overheard by Kim

Bitch, go eat a sandwich.

Girl: No! It's not anorexia, it's anorsexia. (gives a little wink)

-- The Wave, overheard by Kate

And now, fresh from the Tara Reid School of Classy Dressing...

Girl: I'm looking good today! And by that I mean my boobs are showing.

-- In class, overheard by Steph

Don't even ask about the Rainbow Chips Ahoy.

Girl: Hey, I'm going to the grocery store after class. Do you want anything?
Guy: Sure, that'd be great. I'm actually running low on milk.
Girl: No problem. Is skim all right?
Guy: I don't really care. Just not homo, okay? I don't want that shit in my house.

-- Weldon

She sure Baloo that one out of proportion.

Girl #1: Your cat's name is Mowgli?
Girl #2: Yeah, isn't it cute? I named him after the bear in The Jungle Book.
Girl #1: Ummm... I'm pretty sure Mowgli was the boy's name.
Girl #2: Oh my God! Do you think I can legally change his name?

-- overheard by Kimbo

"With the depth of relationship we've achieved, you can just call me 'Oh Baby'."

Girl: Oh my God! Best friends forever!
Guy: I know!!! Okay, the ultimate question - what's my name?
Girl: Uh... uhhh... uh... (She doesn't figure it out)
Guy: Alright, alright... so... you comin' over?

-- Frat party, overheard by Adam

"Ralph, have you been eating your paste?"

Prof: Can anyone think of an example of our senses deceiving us?
Student: Those markers that smell good but don't taste good.

-- Early Modern Philosophy, overheard by Zac

Keep up the good work, ladies. If you don't fight ignorance, who will?

Two girls are talking about Rick Mercer's Talking to Americans.

Girl #1: That show is hilarious. I saw one where they asked Americans how they felt about Canada finally becoming a part of North America. Then they got them to fully congratulate Canada and stuff, on air!
Girl #2: Ugh, dumbass Americans. They're all just so ignorant.
Girl #1: I know, like, what the hell? Don't they learn about North America in, like, grade 8 geography? I mean, hello, North America has TWO countries, people!!!
Girl #2: Yeah, seriously!

-- overheard by Sara

Now all she needs is seven wives who all want to live on milkweed shoots.

Girl #1: No, I can't have that - I'm on a new diet. It's really basic.
Girl #2: What do you mean? How so?
Girl #1: Well I just don't eat man-made food.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Nothing processed. Just natural stuff.
Girl #2: So you couldn't even eat a tomato? I mean, that's man-made, right?
Girl #1: No.
Girl #2: Why the hell not?
Girl #1: Man only planted it - it's from the ground.
Girl #2: Can you have milk?
Girl #1: Only a little, since it has added stuff.
Girl #2: You're like a frickin' mormon right now.

-- UCC Second Floor, overheard by Ariane

Don't worry - we're sure her butler knows.

Guy: ...and then he just kicked the bucket.
Girl: What's a bucket?

-- Poker game, overheard by Nathan

The best part about this plan: absolutely no chance of negative side effects.

Girl: I hope I'm not pregnant. If I am, I think I'll just starve myself and kill the baby.

-- Nat Sci, overheard by Chris

If it had been for the "White and Privileged" fund, however...

SilverCity Cashier: (ringing up ticket purchase) Would you like to donate $3 to the Variety Children's Fund?
Guy: No thanks, I hate children.

-- SilverCity theatre, Masonville

Changing your Facebook status: the new moving in together.

Girl 1: Hey! How's your boyfriend?
Girl 2: Good. How's your boyfriend?
Girl 1: Good. I introduced him as my boyfriend at my Christmas party.
Girl 2: Oh my God! That's sooo cute.
Girl 1: Yeah ... I know. But I don't think I'm ready to make it a Facebook thing.

-- Psych 155, overheard by Emily

"And some kind of a ... bay?"

Guy: Where did you go for Christmas break?
Girl: Up to North Bay.
Guy looks confused.
Girl: Do you know where that is?
Guy: Isn't it like ... north...?

-- SCC, overheard by Mel

Have you tried Saugeen?

Goatee: Yeah, but where are you going to find a ten-dollar hooker?

-- UCC

Just ask his gerbil.

Guy #1: Undergrad is such a good time...
Guy #2: I know - it was 4 years of total slacking. It's a good thing we went to law school afterward, so it wasn't too big a shock to the system.
Guy #1: Can you imagine if we'd gone to vet school or med school instead?
Guy #2: Are you kidding? I would smoke vet school. Do you have any idea how good I am at veterinary medicine?

-- Law library

Sleazy Ficus: Why, would you like some?

Professor: (finishes a silde on how chlorophyll does not absorb green light)
Girl: So wait, do I have chlorophyll in me?
Guy: (seriously) No.
Girl: Are you sure???

-- First-year Bio 022 class, overheard by Laura

Was it Roger Moore?

Girl: Hey, I like your tuxedo.
Guy: Thanks. My mom got it for $11 because some guy died in it in the 70s.

-- London Convention Centre, overheard by Sarah

Overheard on the Road: Queen's University

Guy: ...and on the way home, [John] made a "your mom" joke so I just glared at him and said "My mom's dead, asshole." The whole car went dead silent.
Girl #1: If that was me, I'd have said, "She still loved going down on me."
Guy: You know my mom's actually dead, right?
Girl #1: No she isn't.... (to Girl #2) Is she?
Girl #2: Yeah.

-- Queen's University, overheard by Julian

His mom had warned him about too much masturbation...

Guy: Hey, was that [Beth]?
Girl: No, it was a bunch of Natives looking for a lighter.

-- overheard by Dan

Pssh, it can still lay eggs in your cheek.

Blonde #1: Some lady went the hospital with a junebug in her ear on TV last night.
Blonde #2: Ew, I would totally smash my head on the wall 'til it came out.
Blonde #1: Yeah, they don't know how it got in there.
Blonde #2: I'm so gonna start wearing ear plugs to bed.
Blonde #1: Totally.

-- 4 Oxford East, overheard by Phil

We have a class?!

On the night before the exam:

Guy #1: Stupid prof. Why would he talk out of order?
Guy #2: What do you mean? He followed the syllabus.
Guy #1: (confused) We have a syllabus?

-- overheard by Tommy

Overheard on the Road: McMaster

Girl #1: So he has tattoos all over his body. Right by his hip it has his ex-girlfriend's name: Amy. He said that he wanted to cover it with my name and I said NO!
Girl #2: Aw, that's kinda cute, Pam.
Girl #3: Just think - if he put a P in front of it, it could be Pamy.
Girl #1: Hmm...

-- overheard by Stephanie

Cut. It. Out.

Girl #1: I love this "irony" wristband. I hope it fits over my cast.
Girl #2: I wish there was some way for me to make the act of you putting that wristband over your cast ironic, but I don't think I can do it.
Girl #1: You're right, you wouldn't want to Alanis-ize this.
Girl #2: (laughing) I know. But then, the man who taught her English also taught me English...
Girl #1: Yeah, but you never fucked Dave Coulier.

-- Richmond St.