It seems like such a simple choice. And yet...

Girl: You know, sometimes it just comes down to either sleeping or tanning.

-- 13 Wellington, overheard by Nikki and Dony

Jim Bob's it is.

Guy #1: Yeah man, that exam was brutal.
Guy #2: I know, but at least we're done.
Guy #1: Now it's time to celebrate!
Guy #2: Let's find some 16-year-olds...

-- Outside the King's Library, overheard by Kate

Ummm... all aboard?

Two guys and a girl are walking down Richmond. Guy #2 is eating a slice of pizza.

Guy #1: (to Guy #2) Eat that pizza as fast as you can. Pretend you are a poon train, and that pizza is poon. You run off of poon. You are trying to get to a very faraway destination and you need as much poon as possible. Stuff that poon in your face and just swallow it (under his breath) because usually you swallow dick and it'll be a nice change.

-- Richmond Street, overheard by Dan

A case for Newspeak:

Guy #1: What's another word for not necessary?
Guy #2: Why can't you say not necessary?
Guy #1: There's one word that just means not necessary.
Guy #2: Unnecessary?
Guy #1: Oh.

-- Weldon, overheard by Christian

But, oh my god, what about the cooties?

Girl #1: Don't you hate it when people who come after us get the elevator before us 'cause they're going up?
Girl #2: Yeah...
Girl #1: I was just going to say, no one likes going down.
Girl #2. Haha! Yeah!
Girl #3: Or at least they wouldn't admit it...
Girl #2: Yeah, I sure don't.
Girl #1: I do!
Girl #2: Oh my god! Oh my god! *repeatedly shrieks this during the course of the ride*
Girl #3: Look! She's turning red. She's just saying it for shock value, don't worry.
Girl #1: No, I actually mean it.

-- Taylor Library, overheard by Lina

No, that's just boredom.

Guy: I got epilepsy last year. I kept falling asleep in class every five minutes.
Girl: Really, that's weird.

-- Downtown Restaurant, overheard by Lissa

Yeah, those grade three exams can be brutal.

Girl: I've done nothing tonight. I spent two hours learning how to subtract.

-- Weldon, overheard by Nathan

We'd say she clearly has bigger problems to worry about.

A girl and her friend get into a packed "elevator B" at Weldon. Above the lights telling you what floor you're on is a joke sticker that says Warning: Staring at lights may cause flatulence. She sees the sticker...

Girl #1: (worried) Oh My God! Do you see that sticker?
Girl #2: Yeah...
Girl #1: (more worried) What's flatulence!? Is it bad?! Oh my God...
Girl #2: (embarrassed and under her breath) Don't worry about it. I'll talk to you about it when we get out of the elevator, okay?
Girl #1: (frantic) No, no! Tell me now! Oh my God, please, what's flatulence?! Do I need to be worried about it?!
Rest of elevator: (stifling giggles)

-- Weldon, overheard by Katie

"Then, in grade twelve, I decided to come to Western instead."

Slightly Drunk Girl: In grade ten I decided to be a virgin.

-- Fanshawe and Richmond, overheard by Justin

One small step for her; one giant leap for womankind.

Intoxicated Guy: Western girls are easy - like, Saugeen easy.
Sober Girl: Dude, like, soooo not true. Uh... er... ummm... like, wanna make out?

-- The Ceeps, overheard by Jamie

Well, it's a good thing there aren't any blonde sluts with stupid names at Western.

Girl #1: It's true, people from Brock are dumb. I have this friend, Amanda. She's pretty smart. As soon as she goes to Brock, she changes her name to Mandy, as if Amanda is too hard to pronounce.
Girl #2: Mandy, Candy, those names remind me of sluts.
Girl #1: Yeah, blonde hair, big boobs ... actually, Amanda does have blonde hair now.

-- Spoke, overheard by Nathan

To be fair, the shirt could have been referring to his inferiority complex.

Cashier #1: Hey, [Marcie], look at this guy's shirt.
A short male student turns around to show off his shirt that says, "I swear it's this big," with hands about a foot apart.
Cashiers laugh and student walks away. Another cashier walks up to the laughing cashiers.
Cashier #2: What are you laughing about?
Cashier #1: His shirt said that he's this big. *makes hand gesture to indicate large size*
Cashier #2: Oh, and he's such a little thing.

-- UCC Food Court, overheard by Lissa

Someone's taking the dog-as-fashion-accessory a little too far.

Girl: Yes, I have a baby in my bag. What of it?

-- Masonville Mall parking lot, overheard by Sarah

Especially if they're children ... or the elderly.

Guy #1: Last week I saw a guy on a bike smash into a guy on crutches on the bike path right there. Okay, well not actually smash into him, but it was close. It would have been better if he'd gotten hit, 'cause he already had crutches.
Guy #2: Yeah, the other day I saw a guy on his skateboard try to do an ollie, and totally wipe out and hit the ground.
Guy #1: Seeing people get hurt is the funniest thing ever.

-- Corner of University and Lambton Drive, overheard by Nancy

Just ask Rush Limbaugh.

Guy: Feminists. Aren't they just really violent lesbians?

-- overheard by Sophie

Dizzy?

Nursing student #1: You know how I remember vertigo? From that U2 song.
Nursing student #2: I remember it from the Vertigo zodiac sign. You know how people born under that sign are...

-- overheard by Sophie

Wow, she's right! This explains everything!

Girl: (to guy) Why do they put lubrication inside condoms? Wouldn't that make it more prone to slipping off?
Guy: Yeah, I guess it would.
Girl: No wonder there's so many cases of unwanted pregnancies.

-- Richmond 6, overheard by Diana

The trick is to keep it al dente.

Girl #1: So you learned how to cook this weekend? What can you make?
Girl #2: Well, I learned how to cook salad...

-- overheard by Margot

What a pessimist. Come on, kid, your brain is half full.

Guy: (to girl) I think I'm a dumb smart guy.
Girl: ...

-- Entrance of Weldon Library, overheard by Phil

There's one in every study group. If you think we're wrong, then it's probably you.

Guy #1: Hey, there's no traction in inviscid flow, is there? 'Cause mu goes to zero, and that's the term in our Laplacian traction equation.
Guy #2: I don't know if that's right...
Guy #1: No, it must be. That's why, at the beginning of the year, we weren't doing traction - because we supposed that mu, the kinematic viscosity term, was zero.
Guy #2: Okay, I guess that makes sense.
Girl: (looking at her laptop screen) Hey, do you guys wanna see a drunk horse?

-- Ivey

That's it. Off with her head.

A guy and a girl are looking at a Marie Antoinette poster.

Girl: Marie Antoinette. Why do I know that name?
Guy: (shrugs) Why?
Girl: I think she had something to do with the French... French Revolution or something. (laughs) No...
Guy: Maybe.
Girl: (laughs) No, no. Maybe she was one of King George's wives. (pause) No... well, maybe.

-- UCC, overheard by Tuti

We're guessing she doesn't read too many.

Girl #1: Hey guys, you can check who's deleted or blocked you from MSN on this Web site... (To girl #2) You deleted me? What the fuck?
Girl #2: Yeah, I had too much people on my list.
Girl #1: "Too much people"? Is that right?
Girl #2: Yes.
Girl #1: You mean "too many". Like, you wouldn't say "there's too much sugar in my coffee"; it's "too many".
Guy: You have to be kidding me.
Girl #2: Yeah, I know, 32 people on my list is still too much.
Guy: Dear God, I hope you marry rich.

-- overheard by Dan

"Wow, have you seen his Reynolds number? It's huge!"

Girl: (talking to guy #1) So, do people make fun of you because you have to wear a Speedo for swimming?
Guy #2: No, but we make fun of him because he shaves his legs.
Girl: (talking to guy #1) yeah, but you have to, right? To swim faster...
Guy #2: Yeah, you also have to cut your balls off.

-- 2 Dundas, overheard by Laura

Thank you, Abraham Lincoln!

Drunken grad student: That model was, like, so thin and emancipated.

-- Party, overheard by K

What hath science wrought?

Drunken UWO alumni: My cat, which is a dog, is the best kind of cat.

-- Chaucer's Pub, overheard by K

Well, it's not like milk contains any other vital nutrition, right? Right?

Girl #1: You know those calcium tablets and those other vitamin tablets?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: Like, I only take those because I don't want osteoporosis and other diseases. Good times.

Five minutes later....

Girl #1: You know, the only time I ever drink milk is in my coffee.

-- overheard by Peter

Don't worry, all those old people have bad hearing.

Girl: (speaking loudly on cell) Seriously? [Alex] is bisexual? Seriously? [Alex]? Bisexual? No way!
Cashier: (twenty feet away) Oh! That's nice! Now the whole store knows, too!

-- A&P Cherryhill, overheard by Bryan

But what about candyapple cancer?

Girl #1: So I told my mom, he's the latest member of our cancerous family.
Girl #2: Your cancerous family?
Girl #1: Yeah, like eight people in my family have or have had cancer.
Girl# 2: Oh, eight, that's such an awkward number. What kind of cancer does he have?
Girl #1: Skin cancer.
Girl #2: Oh, that's good! That's the best kind.

-- 6 Richmond, overheard by Dave

Overheard on the Road: University of Ottawa

Street thug: (to another street thug, arguing loudly) I don’t care what the fuck you said. I spend way more time with my cat than you do.

-- Downtown Ottawa, overheard by Elliott