"But joking or not, if you put things in my mouth while I'm asleep..."

Guy: I don't know why you won't just say you're sorry!
Girlfriend: No, I don't know why I have to. It really wasn't even my fault.
Guy: Your fault?! You bit it!
Girlfriend: So?
Guy: SO, IT REALLY HURT! I don't understand why you won't just apologize...
Girlfriend: I'll think about it.

-- SilverCity Masonville, overheard by Dan

"That's so weird... I could have sworn downtown was on Richmond..."

A bus pulls up labelled “Downtown”. Three standard-issue Western girls approach the bus driver.

Standard-Issue Western Girl #1: Does this bus go down Richmond Street?
Bus driver: No, it goes down Western Road.
Standard-Issue Western Girl #2: (on her cell phone) So it doesn’t go down Richmond at all?
Bus driver: No.
Standard-Issue Western Girl # 1: What do you mean?
Bus driver: This bus goes down Western Road toward downtown.
Standard-Issue Western Girl #2: So it doesn’t go down Richmond?

-- Bus stop by Weldon, overheard by Steph

Mine too! If by "car" you mean "university education".

Girl #1: (looking at necklaces on tiffanyandco.com) Oh my God, look how beautiful this necklace is!
Girl #2: Wow, it is gorgeous! How much is it?
Girl #1: (clicks on price) Oh my God, it is FIFTY-SIX thousand dollars!
Girl #2: That is insane! It is so not worth that. I mean, it’s ALMOST as expensive as my CAR!

-- Astronomy 020, overheard by Amanda

"The wooden shoes you're wearing were also very misleading."

Two guys are passing each other. One randomly stops the other.

Guy #1: Hey, can I ask you something?
Guy #2: Uh, sure.
Guy #1: Are you Dutch?
Guy #2: Uh... no.
Guy #1: Oh. I thought you were 'cause you're so big and you have curly hair.

-- UC Hill, overheard by Emily

"Throw in one strawberry daquiri apiece and our party will be off the hiz-ook!"

Football-Type #1: Dude, tonight is going to be wild.
Football-Type #2: Yeah, man.
Football-Type #1: So what do we want?
Football-Type #2: Wanna split a bottle of wine and get four Cold Shots each like last night?
Football-Type #1: Yeah, that's good.

-- Masonville LCBO, overheard by Lindsay

"And bill my dad myself?! That's way complicated."

Standard-issue Western girl approaches the counter at the UCC post office. There are signs everywhere saying: No Credit, No Debit, No Cheque, Only Cash.

Girl: I need to mail this package.
Cashier: (Weighs package) That'll be $2.15.
Girl: (Takes out credit card) Here you go.
Cashier: Uhh... we take only cash.
Girl: Are you, like, KIDDING me?! Ohmygod.

-- UCC Post Office, overheard by Dave

Well, this is a no-brainer: "No, it applied at Western."

Girl #1: ...and because the girl was on heroin the baby was born without a brain.
Girl #2: Oh my god! Did it die?

-- Introduction to Criminology, overheard by Melisa

"Because, oh, the delicious rumours I would spread..."

Guy: Man, I hate that girl! She is such a bitch. It's like she has nothing better to do than just gossip about everyone around her!
Girl: Oh yeah?
Guy: Yeah - no one is safe from her. (Pauses) She really needs to get knocked up.

-- Law Library

"Back"?

Guy: Did you know there's only one homo in first year? (Sighs) And he's ugly. It's like, "take him back - we don't want him."

-- UCC

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"And, like, to oxygenate your brain cells?"

Girl #1: I tried to give blood today, but I couldn't - I had low blood iron.
Girl #2: Oh yeah?
Girl #1: Yeah. Hey, you should give blood too! Everyone should!
Girl #2: You can give blood? But don't you need it to survive?

-- Social Sciences Building, overheard by Kasia

Half-shells, half-wits... it's all so similar.

Blonde #1: (discussing potential Halloween costumes with friends) Oh my God, we should TOTALLY go as, like, the Ninja Turtles!
Blonde #2: Awwww, I LOVE the Ninja Turtles!
Blonde #1: Yeah, and we could wear headbands, like, on our HEADS and stuff!

-- In line for the bar on homecoming weekend

For the baldness, acne, and testicuar atrophy? Yes. The women of the world thank you.

Skinny Guy #1: What’s that?
Skinny Guy #2: Oh, that’s my protein drink.
Skinny Guy #1: That shit doesn’t work, man.
Skinny Guy #2: Why not?
Skinny Guy #1: You gotta use the ‘roids, man.

-- UCC Gym Locker Room, overheard by chum