Overheard at Western

FYI - New "Overheard" Site

2009-03-08T23:26:00.002-04:00

It has come to our attention that the "overheard" tradition at UWO is continuing with http://eavesdropwestern.blogspot.com. Please check them out for your daily dose of stupidity-related schadenfreude!

Goodbye

2009-02-10T18:47:00.006-05:00

Friends, Western students, relentless mockers of Western students, lend me your ears;
I come to bury this Web site…

Yes, that's right. As you may have guessed by the dearth of new posts over the past ten or so months, OAW is dead. Although Western students are, as far as we know, still running around with their brains apparently totally disconnected from their mouths, the sad fact of the matter is that the last of OAW's founding members graduated in the spring of 2008, and we are no longer around to bear witness to the stupid. (Also, we just have crazily busy jobs and no Hotmail access at work.) We have been meaning to say goodbye for quite some time now, so we apologize for our procrastination. With any luck, at least those of you who are students will understand.

To bid you "farewell", we bring you a few things that you may have wanted to know about Team OAW through the years:

Its founding members are both female, and both from the same faculty.
Although one of us did go to UWO for her undergrad degree, we were not "undergrads" when we were running the site.
One of us does, in fact, hold an Ivey degree. Also represented on staff were MIT, Music, and Engineering.
Yes, we did periodically post our own conversations. These can probably be recognized as the particularly snarky ones taking place between two or three females.
We never, ever made up a single conversation that we put up here. If they were invented by people who submitted material to us, there's not much we can do about that. However, any of you who have ever walked around the UWO campus can probably vouch for the fact that we had more than enough material to work with.

Thanks are owed to the undergrad student we recruited to help us out in our final year. Zac, your brand of snark was a new and refreshing change from ours – sorry we disappeared and hung you out to dry in the end.

Thanks are likewise owed to our best friend, "Deadpan". She was a participant in many of our conversations posted here, and, more importantly, in the conversation that led us to set the site up in the first place.

To our readers: thank you for the three-ish years of laughter, eye-rolling, and comment chains that rapidly escalated to the irrelevant and overly political. We hope we've left you with enough archival material to allow you to go back and reminisce.

To our contributors: we sincerely appreciated every submission we got for the site. No, we didn't post them all. Some of them we didn't get; some of them we didn't think were funny (sorry!); and some of them we just plain couldn't come up with a title for. However, your eavesdropping and emailing abilities were what made this site what it was.

So long, kids. We miss you already, but hey – we'll always have London.

"...If I can get the day off from my job at blockbuster."

2008-10-27T19:40:00.004-04:00

Girl #1: Oh my god, this is like totally so much fun.
Girl #2: I know! If I graduate, I am totally coming back for homecoming.

- Overheard by Adam at homecoming football game.

I don't know, but I'll bet it's physical

2008-10-01T08:20:00.002-04:00

Student: It's not physical, but it's ineffable.
Prof: What does it mean to eff something?

- Overheard in Talbot College

If natural selection has anything to say about it: No.

2008-09-30T18:31:00.002-04:00

Blonde #1: I bet in the year 3000 everything will still look the same. But people will have rocket ships for cars. The earth will be so over populated that people will live in the oceans and people will look very different because of interracial interaction.
Blonde #2: Yeah I know! Do you still think we'll be around in 92 years?

- Weldon Library, Overheard by Nathan

"That's why vegans are always rummaging through the garbage at McDonalds."

2008-07-11T23:00:00.001-04:00

Fanshawe Girl 1: I would never buy first hand fur.
Fanshawe Girl 2: Yeah, but I would buy second hand fur. It's not like you can rewind it. The animal is already dead.

- White Oaks Mall, Overheard by Anonymous

"Ah, I see you've played cuppy-napkinny before."

2008-05-02T12:40:00.002-04:00

Girl: Can I please have an extra cup?
Tim Horton's Staff: Here you go.
Girl: Those are napkins.
Tim Horton's Staff: Whoops.

-- UCC Tim Horton's line, overheard by Jordan

Overheard on the Road: McGill

2008-05-02T12:36:00.003-04:00

Girl #1: So these bitches come up to me and they're all like, "Can I borrow your notes for [psych] class? And I'm all like, "No, fuck you, do your own work". I hate those lazy bitches.
Girl #2: Yeah, totally.
Girl #1: Oh, I had my [history] exam the other day... I didn't take any notes or read any of the assignments... I didn't study, either. But I'm not worried - I got assigned seat A-1 for the exam.
Girl #2: That's totally a good sign. You'll get an "A" for sure.

-- overheard by Mike

Which is full of squares.

2008-05-02T12:32:00.001-04:00

Army Pants Girl: We have been walking in circles forever, eh?
Plaid Shorts Guy: Yeah, don't talk to me about circles. I don't know about them - I'm in Science.

-- overheard by Rachel

And then the space-time continuum ripped, sucking the entire store into an alternate dimension.

2008-05-02T12:11:00.006-04:00

Two students are scanning items at the Wal-Mart self-checkout.

Queen's Student: Hey, these underwear were $8.96, but it's coming up $10.13 as the total. Oh, it must be some sort of discount.
UWO Student: Um, that would be the tax.

-- North London Wal-Mart, overheard by Anonymous

"I wish there was, like, a book that put all of the words in the world in some kind of logical order..."

2008-04-24T23:28:00.004-04:00

Two girls are on their way to write an exam.

Girl #1: Oh my God, I read that chapter over, like, four times and I still didn’t understand it.
Girl #2: Like, I know. There were SO many big words!

-- Lakehead, overheard by Aaron

Overheard on the Road: Rogers Centre, Jays versus Tigers

2008-04-24T23:11:00.002-04:00

A couple of Jays fans have just realized that Tigers pitcher Nate Robertson pitches with his left hand.

Jays Fan #1: Hey, I wonder if I'm related to the pitcher.
Jays Fan #2: Why? Are you left-handed too?
Jays Fan #1: No, my last name is Robertson.

-- overheard by Thea

"This accounts for the unusually high number of choking deaths during that period."

2008-04-24T22:25:00.008-04:00

Prof: Nitrous Oxide, also called laughing gas. This used to be popular in the 1920s and 1930s. They'd get a bottle of the stuff, inhale it, and... well, laugh. They also used to eat goldfish.

-- North Campus Building, overheard by Jonathan

Overheard on the Road: Somewhere between Toronto and London

2008-04-16T23:37:00.003-04:00

Guy on Cell: When I get back, I'm going to school you at Scrabble. I'm the master at triple word scores... (pause) What do you mean? I drop bombs like "nebula" all the time... (pause) Oh, I guess you're right. That doesn't have a z in it.

-- VIA train, overheard by Beth

Well, it is called the service desk. She probably thought they'd do her laundry for her, too.

2008-04-16T23:27:00.003-04:00

Girl: Do you, like, have hair elastics here?
Librarian: No, but we have regular elastics. Is that okay?
Girl: Um, well yeah, I guess.
Librarian: (to other librarian) Did she really think we had hair elastics for students at the service desk?

-- Taylor Service Desk, overheard by RGB

"Which is why I was shocked to learn this week that there are actually, like, thousands of different women at UWO."

2008-04-16T23:21:00.003-04:00

Girl: (talking to her friend) Other than me I can't tell any other blondes apart.

-- The Spoke, overheard by Mel

Maybe if he became a cucumber...

2008-04-16T23:12:00.001-04:00

Guy: Would you still love me if I fell down the stairs and became a vegetable?
Girl: Well, would your penis still work?
Guy: I would think not.
Girl: Well then no, sorry...

-- Taylor Library, Main Floor, overheard by Graeme

Actually, the shot is more disgusting.

2008-04-16T23:05:00.003-04:00

Girl #1: I love blow jobs at the bar.

Silence.

Girl #2: Ummmm... you've given head at a bar?
Girl #3: Oh, I have, who hasn't!
Girl #1: Okay, I was talking about the blow job shot, but glad to know that you do that.

-- Weldon library, overheard by anonymous

Overheard on the Road: University of Guelph

2008-04-02T15:20:00.002-04:00

Girl #1: Really, you're taking a "Serial Murder" course?
Girl #2: Yeah, it's pretty interesting. And useful. We won trivia night at the Brass Taps last night - they asked how many people you have to kill to officially be labeled a serial killer.
Girl #3: How many do you have to kill?
Girl #2: Three.
Girl #3: Really?! I always thought it would be more like... SEVENTEEN or something!!!
Girl #1: Do you really think that after the first sixteen you're not a serial killer yet?

-- University of Guelph, overheard by Jess

And nobody likes a slutty librarian.

2008-04-02T14:28:00.003-04:00

Woman: You come to Ontario for one year for Library school and then you leave. You're like the MLIS slut!

-- GRC - North Campus Building, overheard by Shawn

Sausage: Preferred by Nine out of Ten Drunk Frat Boys

2008-04-02T14:10:00.004-04:00

Girl #1: I picked up this guy last night and we were trying to get a cab to go back to my place. Well, he sees the street meat guy and gets all excited and goes to buy a hot dog or something. I finally got us a cab, but he was waiting in line to get his hot dog. He told me to take the cab and he'll call me sometime. I got fuckin' ditched for street meat!
Girl #2: Haha, you tried to take home a guy that would rather put a sausage in his mouth than put his in yours!

-- UCC, overheard by Anonymous

One way or another, this all comes down to density.

2008-03-27T22:51:00.002-04:00

Slightly Drunk Girl: (drops an ice cube into an aquarium) Oh my God, you guys! It floats!

-- overheard by J.C.

"It's not a Führer!"

2008-03-27T22:39:00.004-04:00

Crazy Man on Bus: Schwarzenegger is going to lead us into the third World War. Schwarzenegger and Hitler. And all they need is me.

-- Overheard on #2 Dundas

Damn, and that philosophy degree would have taken her so far...

2008-03-27T22:20:00.005-04:00

Girl #1: How was your weekend? Have you started your philosophy essay yet?
Girl #2: It was good, went to Jacks and Ceeps. And what? Ummmm, no, I definitely haven’t even thought about that essay? I mean, I don’t know. I’m not really into school right now... Like, I’m concentrating on more important things like guys and partying and stuff...

-- overheard by Bethany

Somewhere, many moons ago, Tara Reid must have uttered this same phrase...

2008-03-22T00:48:00.002-04:00

A girl is talking on her cell in an absurdly loud voice. She may have once been Caucasian, but she has tanned her skin to the colour of baked yams. Her bleached hair is pulled back from her face to prevent it smearing the make-up she has seemingly applied with a trowel.

Girl: Whatever, he'll get over it. I mean, I told him all along I wasn't looking for, like, true love or whatever. And obviously when I said he needed a nose job, I meant a good one! Now he looks all pig-faced. (Suddenly looks surprisingly thoughtful) You know... I think it may have actually looked better before!

-- UCC Tim Horton's line-up, overheard by Catie

"Oh my God... I think that was Aunt Jessica!"

2008-03-22T00:31:00.003-04:00

Girl #1: Hey Easter is coming up!
Girl #2: Wait... do you eat bunnies on Easter?
Girl #1: Ewwwwww! We're not fucking cannibals!

-- On the bus, overheard by Caphan

Wow, think of the money she could have saved us in 1999 with this logic!

2008-03-10T10:19:00.006-04:00

Standard-Issue Western Girl: Yeah... I didn't really understand Y2K, and then my dad said "1999 to 2000... they might not be built for that..." But I don't get what the big deal was. I mean, they turned over to 1000 just fine. Why wouldn't they turn over to 2000?

-- 13 Wellington, overheard by Michelle

"...and then sat on the couch all day watching soaps and eating Fiddle Faddle."

2008-03-05T10:52:00.004-05:00

The class is shown a classical painting of a young woman.

Girl #1: (in disbelief) She's so fat!
Girl #2: Well, they didn't go to the gym back then. They just had children.

-- Mythology 137, overheard by Andromeda

Overheard on the Road: Trent University

2008-03-05T10:23:00.003-05:00

Spiky-Haired, Orange-Tanned First-Year: (complaining about cafeteria food) Who calls soup "minestrone"? What the hell is that? It sounds French.

-- Bus Stop, overheard by Paul

What, "beating"? Or "bush"?

2008-03-05T09:50:00.003-05:00

The class is talking about teamwork.

Professor: You're beating around the bush of "commitment" and "loyalty".
Male Student: Those words are scary to me!

-- Organization Behaviour class for MLIS, overheard by Shannon

At UWO, there's more to education than learning.

2008-02-25T11:47:00.004-05:00

Immediately before an exam on the Dresden bombing, which saw 25,000 civilians incinerated:

Typical Western Girl: I skipped over all the personal stories of people being bombed because it probably isn't that important.
Typical Western Guy: Yeah, I couldn't care less, I just want to pass.

-- Social Science building, overheard by anonymous

What do you call it when the groom is the one holding the shotgun?

2008-02-25T09:26:00.005-05:00

Guy #1: Man, that chick was so hot.
Guy #2: Yeah, she's one of those girls that you pray you knock up.

-- UCC Tunnel, overheard by Russell

"Also, where's the 'engine soon' and why do I have to service it?"

2008-02-25T09:13:00.005-05:00

Two girls are driving along when the 'Low Wash' indicator comes on in the car.

Girl: Hey, it's weird that the car tells you when to go to the car wash, eh? I wonder how it knows...

-- Fanshawe Park Rd., overheard by Denielle

"No. Get back to work, we've got a war to win!"

2008-02-17T11:19:00.002-05:00

Professor: Okay, pretend it's 1939 and you're Mackenzie King. What do you do?
Student: Is this hypothetical?

-- Overheard at King's

Knowledge minus Wikipedia equals zero.

2008-02-17T11:14:00.001-05:00

A bunch of people in Weldon are in working on a business feasibility project

Guy 1 (to guy two): Dude, are you wikipedia-ing "break even"
Guy 2: I need to memorize the formula!

-- Overheard by Jonathan

The liver damage is forever.

2008-02-14T17:31:00.002-05:00

Typical Western Guy: The beer is for fun. The alcohol is for drunk.

-- 13 Wellington

He's probably just been busy working overtime to buy her an engagement ring.

2008-02-14T15:06:00.005-05:00

A few days before Valentine's Day...

Girl #1: So yeah, like, you know how you can totally tell a guy is into you? I mean we stayed up aaaall night after we screwed around, just talking, you know? And it just really meant a lot and I knew it was just such a special night.
Girl #2: Yeah totally. So are you guys doing anything for Valentine's?
Girl #1: No... Well, maybe. I don't know - we haven't really spoken about it.
Girl #2: Oh. So when was the last time you guys spoke?
Girl #1: Well, you know, that night I told you about over the Christmas holidays.

Silence

Girl #3: (jumps in really quick) Oh yeah, well, I am sure he will call soon.
Rest of the group: Oh yeah, totally.

-- Around the mirrors in a UWO washroom, overheard by Heather

Just in time for Black History Month... (We are so relevant!)

2008-02-14T00:36:00.006-05:00

Guy: So today I was a confederate for a psych study.
Girl: OMG, you believe in slavery?

-- overheard by Ben

Overheard on the Road: Laurier

2008-02-14T00:30:00.000-05:00

Girl #1: Valium makes me happy. Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy!
Girl #2: Maybe you should have stayed overnight at the hospital...

-- #7 bus, overheard by Gina

Well, the best defence is a good offense...

2008-02-14T00:24:00.003-05:00

Girl #1: (after nearly being hit by a car with veteran license plates) Whoa! You'd think they'd have taught him to maneuver a vehicle at veteran school!
Girl #2: You mean the war?
Girl #1: ... I said what I said.

-- Oxford St., overheard by Tiffany

"...but you still get a gold star and first pick of toys for playtime."

2008-02-12T13:46:00.001-05:00

The professor is lecturing about the Drury Lane Theatre. A girl puts up her hand.

Girl: Drury Lane, isn't that where the Muffin Man lives?
Prof: That has nothing to do with what I'm talking about.

-- English 020, overheard by Alicia

Please be an English major. Please be an English major.

2008-02-09T15:39:00.000-05:00

Girl #1: I hate chem labs. This one time in high school, I spilled hydrochloric acid on the table and it burnt a hole in the table. I signed my name beside it so people would see.
Girl #2: Wow, that must have been really strong HCl. What was the concentration?
Girl #1: Yeah, I have no concentration. I'm not a patient person.
Girl #2: (pause) Yeah....

-- UCC, overheard by Angela

Just in time for St. Patrick's Day...

2008-02-09T15:33:00.000-05:00

Girl: (holding Gain laundry detergent bottle) Excuse me, but will this green laundry detergent turn the water green?

-- Downtown laundromat, overheard by Anonymous

Personally, we prefer a fanny pack.

2008-02-09T15:30:00.000-05:00

Guy: (having a conversation about spooning) Sometimes it's fun to be the little spoon. Except when the girl is shorter than you, you sometimes feel like you're wearing a backpack.

-- Richmond Row, overheard by Tiffany

"But now that you mention it, I do have a great idea for this Michael Jackson costume..."

2008-01-24T11:36:00.001-05:00

Girl #1: Okay, we really need a theme for this party.
Girl #2: How about a black and white party?
Girl #1: (clearly joking) Geez, [Mary], why does it always have to be about race with you?
Girl #3: Oh... I thought you guys were talking about black and white clothing...

-- Althouse, overheard by Tara

There goes the social life...

2008-01-22T12:47:00.000-05:00

Standard-Issue Western Girl: (with her fingers in her mouth): Oh my God, guys, I can actually FEEL the cavity in my mouth. I'll put my fingers there, and feel the hole... It hurts like a bitch when I do it though, so I don't do it all that often.

-- Masonville Mall, overheard by Anonymous

"I mean, what if I want to marry rich and just do whatever my husband says for the rest of my life?"

2008-01-22T12:40:00.000-05:00

Standard-Issue Western Girl: Feminists are bitches. They only exist to make our lives worse.

-- Western "Cheeseblocks", overheard by Leanne

New Year's resolutions: the ironing is delicious.

2008-01-17T14:24:00.001-05:00

A girl on a cell is struggling to light a cigarette.

Girl: (into cell) I don't have much time. I've got to run to my cardio class.

-- Outside the UCC, overheard by Thurman

"Fake" + "white" = too easy. Your joke about UWO here.

2008-01-17T14:12:00.000-05:00

Girl #1: When I was 4 I had just grown in all of my baby teeth and a buddy I played with was pushing me in a stroller down the driveway really fast and when we hit the edge of the sidewalk I fell out and I lost my front four teeth. It was so bad I had to get braces when I was 8.
Girl #2: So those are fake teeth? They are so white.

-- Perth Hall bus stop, overheard by Sam

But it may scientifically explain Mariah Carey's appeal. Then again...

2008-01-17T13:59:00.000-05:00

The professor is lecturing about the range of human hearing.

Prof: So females can usually hear higher pitches than males.
Girl: Is that why girls can sing higher than boys?

Pause

Prof: No.

-- Digital Music Class, overheard by Emily

"And, like, people r...rea...rea-ding!"

2008-01-15T19:19:00.000-05:00

Girl #1: So, like, have you ever been to Weldon library?
Girl #2: No! What's there? Like... books?
Girl #1: Like, so many books!

-- Talbot College Airport Lounge, overheard by Jason

And yet they let her teach!

2008-01-15T18:45:00.000-05:00

Female English Major #1: Oh my God, that prof was such a bitch! She was all, "I'm smarter than you!" AND she even wanted us to memorize, like, twelve whole lines of poetry! I mean, we can't all be road scholars, or whatever!
Female English Major #2: (clearly disgusted by classmate's stupidity) She was a Rhodes Scholar. It means she went to Oxford. She went there after getting her PhD from Harvard.
Female English Major #1: Yeah... well... she was totally fat.

-- Renaissance Literature, overheard by Catie

Overheard on the Road: University of Guelph

2008-01-15T18:30:00.000-05:00

Guy #1: So do you guys have ATMs in Nova Scotia?
Guy #2: Uh... no, we just traded fish.

-- overheard by Jenn

That would make it much more difficult to transmit...

2008-01-07T22:44:00.000-05:00

Girl: Hey, do you know anyone with A.D.D?
Guy: What's A.D.D? An S.T.D?

-- overheard by Sarah Jane

"The marble fireplace and panic room come standard, right?"

2008-01-07T22:33:00.000-05:00

A group of girls is discussing looking for a house for next year.

Girl: Yeah, well, we've seen houses before, and we know what they look like.

-- Delaware Main Lounge, overheard by Mila

"But it comes so naturally and is so often justified!"

2008-01-07T22:19:00.000-05:00

Prof: All right, so we're going to split up tutorial groups by last names. A-F, G-McMoore, McMoore to Zoricov.
Girl: Could you write that on the board?
Prof: Yes, I guess, if you need to see the sheet you can look afterward. But I trust you all know how the say the English alphabet.

Silence.

Prof: (laughing) I didn't mean to be, uh, condescending.

-- overheard by Kate

"It's probably 'cause I'm so good at writing my own name!"

2007-12-12T00:21:00.000-05:00

Two girls are talking between stalls in the women's washroom.

Girl #1: So, we were working on dividing up the presentation... we've decided on who is responsible for which areas of analysis.
Girl #2: Ooooh, can I do the title slide?
Girl #1: Um, sure...
Girl #2: YES! I'm SO good at title slides!

-- Ivey, overheard by Emily

Exchange student? UWO admissions standards at an all-time high? You be the judge.

2007-12-11T23:58:00.000-05:00

Guy #1: It was in Montreal.
Guy #2: Montreal... is that in Ontario or Quebec?

-- In front of UCC, overheard by Angela

London youth: reaching for the stars.

2007-12-11T23:12:00.000-05:00

High School Girl #1: Yeah, so I was talking with my dad about the future, right? And he was like, "If you ever wind up homeless, go up to a cop in the first week of December and punch him in the face. You'll get six months, and have a warm place to sleep during the winter." Can you believe that?
High School Girl #2: Wow. My dad just tells me to stay in school. And not get pregnant.

-- 13 Wellington, overheard by Jean

"It's probably a joke by the same fakers that came up with 'gravity'."

2007-12-05T20:32:00.000-05:00

Guy: You know, I don't think autism really exists.

-- Richmond 6, overheard by Tyler

Wait'll she hears that birds and bees are involved.

2007-12-05T20:21:00.000-05:00

Ditzy Girl: You know what's ugly? Pregnant people. I mean, fat people are considered ugly by society... why aren't pregnant people?
Studious-Looking Girl: Ummm... because pregnant people are growing a human life inside them and fat people are just fat because they eat too much.
Ditzy Girl: Yeah, I never thought of that. It's pretty gross, huh? They are growing a person inside their stomach! Isn't that a little Alien-esque?
Studious-Looking Girl: ... No, I think it's pretty human.

-- Richmond and Oxford Bus Stop, overheard by Jane

A velvet gutter?

2007-12-05T20:16:00.000-05:00

Girl #1: I don't think I'd be overly extravagant if I won the lottery. I'd probably just have a nicer student lifestyle. You know, pay off debts, get a TV that I can see without my glasses on, maybe buy a car...
Girl #2: I'd blow all my winnings on Fabergé eggs and then die in a gutter.

-- Richmond St.

Please be a math exam.

2007-12-03T20:29:00.000-05:00

A guy and two girls are walking to an exam talking about the lowest mark they need to pass the course.

Guy: What's half of 150?
Girl: 70... (pauses)... Uhh... 75.
Guy: Oh! That's okay, I can do that.

-- Corner of Middlesex and Perth, overheard by Jonathan

Overheard on the Road: University of Guelph

2007-12-03T20:21:00.000-05:00

Guy: I don't understand people with Tourette's syndrome. Why don't they just not do it?

-- Sunday Night Cinema, overheard by Kathryn

Check your facts, man. Marmaduke's been running since 1954.

2007-12-03T19:56:00.000-05:00

A guy is using his laptop, waiting for class, when he sees someone he knows walk in.

Laptop Guy: Dude! You have to see this!
Friend: What is it? (Walks over to look at laptop screen.)
Laptop Guy: (unreasonably loudly in a dead silent hallway) It's this new comic... they use the F word AND the C word!
Friend: NO WAY!

-- Middlesex, overheard by L.S.

At this rate I'll never be able to check out Precision Book-finding Techniques!

2007-11-29T21:20:00.000-05:00

Two very lost-looking first years approach an upper year on 5th floor weldon.
First-year student: Um, excuse me, you know those books? I'm looking for PR. I can only find PQ-PS. Where's PR?
Upper year student: Well, you know it's PQ through PS? Try looking in the middle.

He wasn't? Monica's blue dress clearly didn't get the memo.

2007-11-28T04:33:00.000-05:00

Two guys are discussing the candidates in the 2008 U.S. Presidential race.

Guy #1: I heard Hillary Clinton is all for pulling out of Iraq.
Guy #2: Pulling out, eh? Too bad her husband wasn't.

-- overheard by Hannah

"Baby, I don't know how to tell you this... we've got salmonella."

2007-11-27T16:03:00.001-05:00

Girl #1: Ummm, so like, I'm totally confused... what is salmonella? Like, can you get it from people?
Girl #2: Okay, so like, I'm not totally sure, but like I'm one hundred percent positive that you get it just from food. I know that like, the food at the Pita Pit was you know... um, what's that word? Oh yeah, contaminated...
Girl #1: Yeah, contaminated!
Girl #2: But I've heard that like, you have a greater chance of like getting it if you eat Asian food.
Girl #1: Oh yeah, okay, that totally makes sense now, maybe that's why like people are really sensitive to sushi. Oh no! I went to Green Tea last night, so I hope I don't get it!

-- UCC women's locker room, overheard by Jessica

"Oh, wait... that's 'unsatisfied'. HEY-O!"

2007-11-24T23:53:00.000-05:00

Dumb Student: What's "insatiable"?
Math Prof: Ask your girlfriend.

-- Middlesex College, overheard by Sophie

Don't you hate pants?

2007-11-22T09:42:00.000-05:00

Girl #1: We got into, like, the biggest fight the other day.
Girl #2: Oh really? What was it about?
Girl #1: Well, we were going to the movies, and his pants were, like, totally wrinkled and gross. So I told him he had to change them, and he was like, "They're just pants - it doesn't matter." And I was like, "If it doesn't matter, why can't you just iron them and make me happy?" It was a HUGE fight.

-- Bus stop in front of the law school, overheard by Sean

Overheard on the Road: University of St. Andrews

2007-11-22T09:37:00.000-05:00

St. Andrews Equivalent of a "Typical Western Girl": Luckily my dad just wired me more money. (Sighs exasperatedly) I've, like, never had to work so hard to get some money in my life!

-- overheard by Meghan

Spoken like someone who has never spent a day in Paris.

2007-11-22T09:31:00.000-05:00

A couple of girls are standing at the bus stop, and one begins discussing her new roommate, who is a foreign exchange student.

Typical Western Girl #1: I don't like her. She looks like a bitch.
Typical Western Girl #2: If she can't speak English, then she can't be a bitch.

-- Richmond/Oxford Bus Stop, overheard by Matthew

Maybe Mrs. Clean isn't givin' it up at home.

2007-11-19T16:45:00.000-05:00

Three girls are hurrying out of one of the apartment buildings, with one of them lagging behind.

Girl #1: Guys, slow down! I don't think my bra's done up anymore.
Girl #2: We were cleaning the kitchen! How does that even happen?!

-- Platt's Lane, overheard by Tara

UWO: lock up your stuffed animals.

2007-11-15T16:11:00.001-05:00

Girl: I have such a huge crush on him! He's like this soft, cuddly teddy bear that I just want to... do.

-- Thames Hall

Two words: natural selection.

2007-11-15T16:01:00.000-05:00

Guy #1: It's so cold out! It's like when you jump in really cold water and all your muscles seize up.
Guy #2: I know what you mean... man, can you imagine the people surviving the Titanic?
Guy #1: Yeah, I know, it's crazy that they did that.
Guy #2: I know! First of all, you're jumping into, like, the coldest ocean in the world, then you gotta get into, like, canoes, then you have waves coming at you from everywhere.
Guy #1: Yeah, exactly. I would have just stayed on the boat.

-- UC Hill, overheard by Stefan

Not since May 17, 2005.

2007-11-09T15:54:00.000-05:00

While learning about right-wing and left-wing objections to a certain theory...

Girl: (to the guy beside her) Ummm... What's it mean to be "right-wing"?
Guy: To be conservative.
Girl: Oh... What's "conservative"?
Guy: (joking) You're conservative!
Girl: Ohh... Wait... Does that mean slutty?!

-- Pop Culture and Identity class, overheard by Kaitlyn

More like Derek Zoolander.

2007-11-09T15:28:00.000-05:00

A guy is reading William Blake's The Tyger in front of the class, and BUTCHERS it. After finishing:

Guy: Well... I'm no Robert Frost.

-- overheard by Anonymous

Insert obvious joke about "riding the turbo shaft" here

2007-11-01T10:50:00.000-04:00

Guy #1: Wow! This elevator moves a lot faster than I thought it would!
Girl: Yeah, you're right.
Guy #2: You know what would be really cool? A turbo shaft! Those things move so fast!

Everyone stares at him blankly.

Guy #1: Dude, what the fuck are you talking about?
Guy #2: You know, from Star Trek!

-- Elevator at Social Sci, overheard by Jenn

"Why can't they just, like, assume that I know all the answers and make me dean already?"

2007-11-01T10:31:00.000-04:00

Girl: TAs are assholes. I just lost 2% on my exam for the smallest detail - I forgot to add the remainder.
Guy: Yeah, I know. TAs are assholes.
Girl: I can't believe I got that other question wrong, just because I forgot the negative sign in front of the answer. That is so gay. Of course it's negative. I mean, it's so obvious. I can't believe the TA marked it wrong.
Guy: Yeah, TAs are so gay.

-- overheard by a TA

"But joking or not, if you put things in my mouth while I'm asleep..."

2007-10-29T22:58:00.000-04:00

Guy: I don't know why you won't just say you're sorry!
Girlfriend: No, I don't know why I have to. It really wasn't even my fault.
Guy: Your fault?! You bit it!
Girlfriend: So?
Guy: SO, IT REALLY HURT! I don't understand why you won't just apologize...
Girlfriend: I'll think about it.

-- SilverCity Masonville, overheard by Dan

"That's so weird... I could have sworn downtown was on Richmond..."

2007-10-23T12:23:00.000-04:00

A bus pulls up labelled “Downtown”. Three standard-issue Western girls approach the bus driver.

Standard-Issue Western Girl #1: Does this bus go down Richmond Street?
Bus driver: No, it goes down Western Road.
Standard-Issue Western Girl #2: (on her cell phone) So it doesn’t go down Richmond at all?
Bus driver: No.
Standard-Issue Western Girl # 1: What do you mean?
Bus driver: This bus goes down Western Road toward downtown.
Standard-Issue Western Girl #2: So it doesn’t go down Richmond?

-- Bus stop by Weldon, overheard by Steph

Mine too! If by "car" you mean "university education".

2007-10-22T12:19:00.000-04:00

Girl #1: (looking at necklaces on tiffanyandco.com) Oh my God, look how beautiful this necklace is!
Girl #2: Wow, it is gorgeous! How much is it?
Girl #1: (clicks on price) Oh my God, it is FIFTY-SIX thousand dollars!
Girl #2: That is insane! It is so not worth that. I mean, it’s ALMOST as expensive as my CAR!

-- Astronomy 020, overheard by Amanda

"The wooden shoes you're wearing were also very misleading."

2007-10-18T00:18:00.000-04:00

Two guys are passing each other. One randomly stops the other.

Guy #1: Hey, can I ask you something?
Guy #2: Uh, sure.
Guy #1: Are you Dutch?
Guy #2: Uh... no.
Guy #1: Oh. I thought you were 'cause you're so big and you have curly hair.

-- UC Hill, overheard by Emily

"Throw in one strawberry daquiri apiece and our party will be off the hiz-ook!"

2007-10-15T17:28:00.000-04:00

Football-Type #1: Dude, tonight is going to be wild.
Football-Type #2: Yeah, man.
Football-Type #1: So what do we want?
Football-Type #2: Wanna split a bottle of wine and get four Cold Shots each like last night?
Football-Type #1: Yeah, that's good.

-- Masonville LCBO, overheard by Lindsay

"And bill my dad myself?! That's way complicated."

2007-10-11T10:27:00.001-04:00

Standard-issue Western girl approaches the counter at the UCC post office. There are signs everywhere saying: No Credit, No Debit, No Cheque, Only Cash.

Girl: I need to mail this package.
Cashier: (Weighs package) That'll be $2.15.
Girl: (Takes out credit card) Here you go.
Cashier: Uhh... we take only cash.
Girl: Are you, like, KIDDING me?! Ohmygod.

-- UCC Post Office, overheard by Dave

Well, this is a no-brainer: "No, it applied at Western."

2007-10-10T17:34:00.000-04:00

Girl #1: ...and because the girl was on heroin the baby was born without a brain.
Girl #2: Oh my god! Did it die?

-- Introduction to Criminology, overheard by Melisa

"Because, oh, the delicious rumours I would spread..."

2007-10-09T14:34:00.000-04:00

Guy: Man, I hate that girl! She is such a bitch. It's like she has nothing better to do than just gossip about everyone around her!
Girl: Oh yeah?
Guy: Yeah - no one is safe from her. (Pauses) She really needs to get knocked up.

-- Law Library

"Back"?

2007-10-09T13:53:00.000-04:00

Guy: Did you know there's only one homo in first year? (Sighs) And he's ugly. It's like, "take him back - we don't want him."

-- UCC

OAW on Facebook

2007-10-09T12:51:00.001-04:00

Overheard at Western is now on Facebook. You can add us as a friend, subscribe to updates, join the group, and send submissions through messages.
Find us here.

"And, like, to oxygenate your brain cells?"

2007-10-05T18:38:00.000-04:00

Girl #1: I tried to give blood today, but I couldn't - I had low blood iron.
Girl #2: Oh yeah?
Girl #1: Yeah. Hey, you should give blood too! Everyone should!
Girl #2: You can give blood? But don't you need it to survive?

-- Social Sciences Building, overheard by Kasia

Half-shells, half-wits... it's all so similar.

2007-10-02T10:31:00.000-04:00

Blonde #1: (discussing potential Halloween costumes with friends) Oh my God, we should TOTALLY go as, like, the Ninja Turtles!
Blonde #2: Awwww, I LOVE the Ninja Turtles!
Blonde #1: Yeah, and we could wear headbands, like, on our HEADS and stuff!

-- In line for the bar on homecoming weekend

For the baldness, acne, and testicuar atrophy? Yes. The women of the world thank you.

2007-10-02T09:56:00.001-04:00

Skinny Guy #1: What’s that?
Skinny Guy #2: Oh, that’s my protein drink.
Skinny Guy #1: That shit doesn’t work, man.
Skinny Guy #2: Why not?
Skinny Guy #1: You gotta use the ‘roids, man.

-- UCC Gym Locker Room, overheard by chum

Try to avoid accidents like you?

2007-09-27T11:20:00.000-04:00

Girl #1: Well, it's their 25th [anniversary], and I'm 18...
Girl #2: Really? What did they do for seven years?

-- overheard by Zac

"Yes. Regrettably, they grind your bones to make their bread."

2007-09-26T18:07:00.000-04:00

Girl: Did you know the only vegetarian options Swiss Chalet has are fries and salad?

-- 10 Wonderland

"Not if there are pictures!"

2007-09-26T14:10:00.001-04:00

Three girls are talking in front of Nat. Sci.

Girl #1: No, by that time I'm doing actual work. I'm reading.
Girl #2: (to other two) Do you girls actually read?

-- In front of Nat. Sci., overheard by William

And now, topping the list of words we would never put on a t-shirt...

2007-09-25T01:36:00.001-04:00

Girl: (talking on her cell phone) So for my birthday next weekend my mom is going to take me shopping at Sherway Gardens!... Yeah, I'm super excited. They have so many stores that I've never been to before, like "Abercrombie & Fitch" and "Holocaust"!
Boyfriend: It's "Hollister", dumbass.

-- City bus

Overheard on the Road: University of Toronto

2007-09-25T01:31:00.000-04:00

Girl: (explaining why she failed to submit her assignment to "turnitin.com" on time) I think the problem was that there was this extra button on the web page called 'submit', and I didn't press it. I just loaded my essay on the page, and I was like, "great, it's in the system."

-- U of T, overheard by J.

Coincidentally, dinner went downhill from that point.

2007-09-23T13:29:00.000-04:00

Girl #1: I was never allowed to watch Married With Children when I was a kid - my parents thought the content was too racy.
Guy: Remember Ted McGinley, who played Marcy's second husband? He's, like, the patron saint of "jumping the shark". Every time he's on a show, it's a sure signal that the show is about to tank. He killed Happy Days, The Love Boat, Dynasty...
Girl #2: Hey, isn't that him at the next table?
Guy: (looks) Yes. Fuck.

-- Bistro 990

"Also, I have a rash on my back."

2007-09-12T15:12:00.000-04:00

Two guys knock on a neighbour's door. A girl answers.

Girl: Heyyyy...
Guy #1: Hey, whassup... (mindless chatter ensues)
Guy #2: Oh hey, are those yoga pants?
Girl: Yeah totally, they're lululemons.
Guy #1: They're hot.
Guy #2: (loudly) I'm wearing a J. Crew sweater.

A long, awkward silence follows.

-- Waterloo Street, overheard by Alex

"Actually, I meant stigmata. My scourge marks tend to freak out the doctors."

2007-09-12T13:55:00.000-04:00

Girl #1: Oh, yeah, I can't get laser eye surgery because I have a stigma.
Girl #2: I think you mean "astigmatism".

-- overheard by Erika

Overheard at Western

FYI - New "Overheard" Site

Goodbye

"...If I can get the day off from my job at blockbuster."

I don't know, but I'll bet it's physical

If natural selection has anything to say about it: No.

"That's why vegans are always rummaging through the garbage at McDonalds."

"Ah, I see you've played cuppy-napkinny before."

Overheard on the Road: McGill

Which is full of squares.

And then the space-time continuum ripped, sucking the entire store into an alternate dimension.

"I wish there was, like, a book that put all of the words in the world in some kind of logical order..."

Overheard on the Road: Rogers Centre, Jays versus Tigers

"This accounts for the unusually high number of choking deaths during that period."

Overheard on the Road: Somewhere between Toronto and London

Well, it is called the service desk. She probably thought they'd do her laundry for her, too.

"Which is why I was shocked to learn this week that there are actually, like, thousands of different women at UWO."

Maybe if he became a cucumber...

Actually, the shot is more disgusting.

Overheard on the Road: University of Guelph

And nobody likes a slutty librarian.

Sausage: Preferred by Nine out of Ten Drunk Frat Boys

One way or another, this all comes down to density.

"It's not a Führer!"

Damn, and that philosophy degree would have taken her so far...

Somewhere, many moons ago, Tara Reid must have uttered this same phrase...

"Oh my God... I think that was Aunt Jessica!"

Wow, think of the money she could have saved us in 1999 with this logic!

"...and then sat on the couch all day watching soaps and eating Fiddle Faddle."

Overheard on the Road: Trent University

What, "beating"? Or "bush"?

At UWO, there's more to education than learning.

What do you call it when the groom is the one holding the shotgun?

"Also, where's the 'engine soon' and why do I have to service it?"

"No. Get back to work, we've got a war to win!"

Knowledge minus Wikipedia equals zero.

The liver damage is forever.

He's probably just been busy working overtime to buy her an engagement ring.

Just in time for Black History Month... (We are so relevant!)

Overheard on the Road: Laurier

Well, the best defence is a good offense...

"...but you still get a gold star and first pick of toys for playtime."

Please be an English major. Please be an English major.

Just in time for St. Patrick's Day...

Personally, we prefer a fanny pack.

"But now that you mention it, I do have a great idea for this Michael Jackson costume..."

There goes the social life...

"I mean, what if I want to marry rich and just do whatever my husband says for the rest of my life?"

New Year's resolutions: the ironing is delicious.

"Fake" + "white" = too easy. Your joke about UWO here.

But it may scientifically explain Mariah Carey's appeal. Then again...

"And, like, people r...rea...rea-ding!"

And yet they let her teach!

Overheard on the Road: University of Guelph

That would make it much more difficult to transmit...

"The marble fireplace and panic room come standard, right?"

"But it comes so naturally and is so often justified!"

"It's probably 'cause I'm so good at writing my own name!"

Exchange student? UWO admissions standards at an all-time high? You be the judge.

London youth: reaching for the stars.

"It's probably a joke by the same fakers that came up with 'gravity'."

Wait'll she hears that birds and bees are involved.

A velvet gutter?

Please be a math exam.

Overheard on the Road: University of Guelph

Check your facts, man. Marmaduke's been running since 1954.

At this rate I'll never be able to check out Precision Book-finding Techniques!

He wasn't? Monica's blue dress clearly didn't get the memo.

"Baby, I don't know how to tell you this... we've got salmonella."

"Oh, wait... that's 'unsatisfied'. HEY-O!"

Don't you hate pants?

Overheard on the Road: University of St. Andrews

Spoken like someone who has never spent a day in Paris.

Maybe Mrs. Clean isn't givin' it up at home.

UWO: lock up your stuffed animals.

Two words: natural selection.

Not since May 17, 2005.

More like Derek Zoolander.

*Insert obvious joke about "riding the turbo shaft" here*

"Why can't they just, like, assume that I know all the answers and make me dean already?"

Insert obvious joke about "riding the turbo shaft" here